I Won't Die For You
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Bella is fighting to overcome a bad marriage. She is a teacher in Forks and carries the emotional scars of an abusive teacher from her past. The last thing Bella would ever agree to is becoming a Vampire.
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**I Won't Die For You**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters.**

1

I looked over at the man sitting next to me and cringed. It wasn't that he was ugly or unattractive, he was very nice looking. It was the way he leaned forward and let his shoulders slump in defeat. He was showing his discomfort in his body language. For some odd reason it angered me. If you choose to come to a self-help group you should be willing to put on a brave front. I actually was pissed because he was sitting the way I wanted to sit.

I finally spoke up and answered a question. I wanted to prove I was here and willing to participate fully. I felt less desperate if I could smile and nod as if it all made sense.

"I feel my childhood helped to mold me, but the clay isn't hardened. I can reshape some things if I need to," I said confidently.

My neighbor said something softly under his breath too quickly for me to catch. I turned to look at him and noticed his oddly colored eyes. It wasn't a natural color so I knew he was wearing contacts. He looked away quickly and I gave him a disapproving tisk. He wasn't even strong enough to be cynical.

The counselor went on with her counseling, but I was now too distracted to listen. Something about the guy was beyond odd. He never moved. He sat too still as if he was made of stone. I found myself watching him closely for signs of life.

I was called on to add my impression to something the class was talking about and instantly turned red from embarrassment. The guy next to me turned away so he wouldn't have to look at me. I was grateful he missed my blood soaked face vessels.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?" I asked.

"Do you believe in God," the man next to me said without looking at me, giving me the question I had missed.

"Oh, um, yeah, I guess," I said without conviction.

He finally turned to face me and said, "You guess?"

I was quickly growing to dislike him very much. I smirked and said, "Well, I haven't seen much evidence of him in my life, so you'll have to excuse me if I have a bit of doubt."

He sat back in his chair so he was even with me and said, "If you don't believe in God, how can you believe in evil?"

"Oh I see," I said angrily. "My husband beat the shit out of me because he was evil, not just a pansy ass man."

The rest of the room began adding commentary to our discussion and the guy went back to his slumped posture. I wanted to scream at him to sit up and act like he was worth something, but I realized I was only projecting my feelings onto him. I made sure to sit up straight so people wouldn't know how terrified I was all the time. If I couldn't be strong emotionally, I would damn sure act like I was.

I listened to the room and tried to block out the man next to me. When the session was over we all stood and joined hands. I pulled mine quickly away and looked up at him.

"Your hands are freezing," I said loudly.

The woman on the other side of him nodded in agreement, but she had managed to refrain from a rude outburst.

"I have Reynaud's syndrome," he said softly.

"What's that?" I asked, again forgetting to use any attempt at being polite.

"My hands and feet are extremely cold," he mumbled, and crossed his arms so we couldn't take his hands.

We all chanted a mantra to stay confident and know we are worthy of love and kindness. I said the words, but they didn't penetrate like I hoped they would. I put on my jacket and headed out of the room, after grabbing the obligatory 'keep your chin up' donut.

I was walking down the sidewalk to my car with my shoulders squared, my chin raised high, and my steps wide and purposeful, just like I had been taught. I happened to glance behind me and saw the weird guy walking way too closely to me. I hadn't heard him and it freaked me out a bit.

"What do you want?" I asked, as I abruptly stopped.

He stammered a bit and wouldn't look directly at me. I wondered what had caused him to be so timid. He appeared strong enough to handle himself, but he had victim written all over his actions.

"I just, I was wondering, I thought maybe…."

Oh God, this was excruciating. Surely he wasn't asking me on a date. He finally managed to say, "May I walk you home?"

I laughed, because the thought of him offering me protection was a bit funny. It would be much safer if I walked him home. At least I would fight back if someone jumped us. I shook my head and pointed to my car. "I drove," I said. "I live in Forks."

"Oh," he replied and remained still in front of me.

"I could give you a ride," I finally added, because the silence was uncomfortable.

He looked around as if waiting for someone to tell him what to do and then finally said, "Okay."

Okay, he was going to get into my car and I would have to drive with him sitting there slumped over like a boy who dropped his ice-cream cone. I got into the driver's seat and turned to look at him. He moved quickly, almost too quickly. Usually people climbed into a car and took a moment to settle. He was buckled and ready to go instantly.

"So, what's your name?" I asked, before starting the engine.

"Edward Cullen," he said, and didn't ask mine in return.

"Which way Edward Cullen?" I laughed. He looked like he suddenly thought it was a bad idea for me to give him a ride. Maybe he had an abusive wife or father and coming home with a stranger would lead to a beating. This I understood, so I added softly. "I can drop you at a corner if it would help?"

"I live outside of Forks," he said.

My mouth fell open because I lived in Forks and I didn't know the name Cullen. It wasn't like it was a big city. My father was the police chief, so I knew almost everyone. I wondered how he ended up in Port Angeles if he didn't drive here.

"How did you get here?" I asked.

"My um…sister drove me," he said, and he was an awful liar.

There was something he was keeping quiet and I was fine with it. He was nobody to me and I wouldn't pry into his life. I started the car and drove toward Forks. The road was covered in fog and I had to drive extra slowly to see the road. Edward didn't talk so I almost forgot he was in the car. He suddenly said, "It is the next turn on the right."

"Oh my God, how can you see the road?" I said, as I slowed even more.

"I was watching the odometer," he said, and I looked down at the dash and back over at him. There was no way he could see it from where he was sitting, but I didn't question him.

I saw the faint road and pulled onto the small tree covered lane. He didn't ask me to stop so I kept going until I came to a large home in the middle of the forest. It was all white with a stark appearance. It didn't blend into its surroundings, but stood out like it didn't belong. I pulled right in front of the house at the stairs and waited for him to exit.

He hesitated and turned to look at me. "The fog is thick; can you find your way home?"

I laughed although I didn't find it funny. I had driven all this way without a word from him. Did he think his mere presence helped me find my way? "I'm fine," I said.

He got out of the car and I noticed a face peering through the curtains. I wondered if he would be in trouble for having a woman drive him home. "Hey, Edward," I called out.

He looked back into the car. "Do you want me to come in and explain anything to anyone?"

He glanced at the house as if the thought of someone watching angered him. He took a deep breath and finally nodded in agreement. I seriously didn't expect him to want me to come in. I offered just to be polite. I wasn't up for some screaming wife accusing me of chasing after her broken husband.

I turned off the car and got out hesitantly. He walked up the steps and opened the door before I even made it around the car. I followed and when I got inside he stood nervously in a beautiful entry way.

"Do you own this house?" I asked him.

"No, my parents own it," he said.

I was confused since he was obviously a grown man. Maybe he was part of some wealthy family and they bought a home for him. I nodded as if I understood and looked up to see a small woman enter the foyer.

"Hi," she said in a cheery voice.

Edward visibly cringed and I looked back at the woman and smiled. "Hi," I replied.

"I'm Alice, Edward's sister," she said, and I held out my hand and felt her cold skin just like her brothers. She also had the same strange color of eyes he had and I began to wonder if perhaps they weren't contacts after all.

"I gave him a ride," I said, and she giggled loudly as he glared at her.

I was lost and a bit confused. Edward didn't seem to cower in this place like he did at the meeting. He seemed confident around his sister and I wondered if she was the person I was supposed to be explaining to. A man and woman entered the foyer and instantly insisted that I come in. Alice was almost giddy, but Edward looked mortified at the thought I would socialize with his family. They stayed back in the shadows and I felt like they were inviting me in just to be polite so I declined.

"I have to be going," I said and reached for the door.

"Thank you for bringing our son home," the woman said.

My hand instantly fell from the handle and I asked, "Edward is your son?"

They all looked at each other as if something wrong had been said. The couple couldn't be much older than I am, yet the woman called Edward her son. I watched as they struggled to come up with an explanation and finally the woman said, "He is actually my sister's son, but she died. We think of him as our own."

I glanced at Alice and wondered how she fit into the equation, but I didn't ask. I told them all goodnight and walked back to my car. Edward followed and stood on the porch as if protecting me. I chuckled and got in to drive away.

I pulled out slowly onto the main road and leaned forward to struggle to see through the thick pea soup fog. It lifted as I pulled into town, so I sat back to relax. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw what appeared to be Edward standing on the edge of the road. I turned my head to look behind me but there was nothing. I'm sure my imagination was playing tricks on me.

I had moved back in with my father after leaving Jake. I was certain he was disappointed. My dad loved the Black family and the idea of us joining through marriage. It was Jake's love of liquor that ended us. We tried to make it work, but he was an angry drunk who found pleasure in hitting me after a night out with the guys. I packed up my stuff and went home feeling like a failure.

My father was the one who suggested I attend the meetings in Port Angeles. He wanted his old daughter back, the one who smiled a lot and loved being by his side. I often wondered if she would ever return again.

I headed upstairs to my room and took a shower before climbing into bed. I hoped the awful dreams would stay away tonight. I knew how much they upset my father. I fell asleep and instead of dreaming of fists coming at me I dreamed of beautiful music playing softly throughout the house.

2

The next morning I made breakfast for my dad. He sat at the table in his uniform and read the paper. I sat across from him and watched him for a moment. He was so handsome and I wondered why he never remarried after my mother left.

"Dad, do you know the Cullens?" I asked out of the blue.

"Dr. Cullen?" he asked.

"I don't know. They live north of town in an old mansion."

"Yes, that's him. He is new to our area hospital. I understand we are very lucky to get a man with his credentials," he said without looking up from his paper.

"I met Edward Cullen," I said, and my dad finally gave me his full attention.

"Is he the single one?" he asked.

"Single?"

"They have three kids and two of them are married," he added.

"Have you met them?" I asked, "Because Dr. Cullen and his wife are like thirty."

He chuckled and then said, "I'm sure they are older than they look. But I understand the kids are family but not their literal children."

"Yeah, Mrs. Cullen told me Edward was her sister's son. She died," I added. "But why would he be in a group for survivors of abusive spouses if he was still single?"

"Maybe it was an abusive girlfriend," he suggested. I nodded and continued on with my breakfast as he went back to his paper.

I got dressed for the day and headed to work. I taught at the area high school and loved my job. It kept my mind off of the drama of my divorce and the kids always managed to cheer me up in some way or another.

I walked into my classroom and froze when I saw someone waiting for me. I had no idea why Edward would show up where I worked and wondered if I didn't have a stalker on my hands. I remained close to the door and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a sub today. I will be across the hallway," he said. I noticed how he wouldn't look directly at me and thought he seemed very nervous.

"Is this your first time as a sub?" I asked.

"Here it is," he said, and raised his head to look at me. I smiled to make him relax, but it only added to his nerves.

"Don't let them see your nerves. Start out really strict to get their attention and respect," I advised.

He nodded and swallowed before heading out of my room. I watched him walk past me and he seemed to be holding his breath. He didn't stand a chance with these kids. They were experts at finding weakness. I set my bag on my chair and went into the hallway to speak to the kids lining up against the wall.

"You have a sub today," I told them, and they all cheered. "He's pretty mean," I lied.

"Is he cute?" a girl asked.

I laughed and then gave her a quick nod before heading back into my room. Maybe his good looks would save him, but I doubted it. He would have to be supernatural to get through this day. The bell rang and my room filled with students. I waited until the tardy bell rang and then walked into the hallway and stood facing Edward's door with my arms crossed. Sure enough a group of boys opened the door to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked.

"Oh, we're running an errand for the sub," they lied.

"You have one strike," I told them. "If you get another one I'll have principle Banner work with you after school."

Most of the boys were athletes and knew time with the principle would get back to their coaches, so they turned around and went back into the room. I hoped they would be good for Edward, but I didn't have much expectation. He seemed too gentle and reserved to be a teacher.

I went back to my class and got them started on a project. I returned to the hallway and placed my ear against his door to see if I could hear anyone out of control. I could hear Edward talking softly and the room seemed quiet. Suddenly the door opened. I jumped back to keep from being hit in the face and saw Edward glaring at me.

"May I help you?" he asked.

"I was just seeing if you needed any help," I explained.

"I have everything under control," he said and then shut the door. I stared at the metal door which he shut so quickly. They were heavy and usually shut slowly, but his closed instantly. I felt like something was off but I couldn't quite figure out what it was.

I returned to my classroom and didn't check on him again until lunch. If his kids left because there was a sub it was up to him to deal with. I waited until the halls were empty and then stuck my head in his door to see if he needed to know where the teacher's lounge was. I found him sitting at the desk as if he knew I was coming.

"I can show you where to eat lunch," I said.

"I'm okay, I'm really not hungry," he answered.

I walked slowly toward him and watched for his reaction. He smiled and continued to sit perfectly still. "Have you taught before?" I asked.

He looked a little flustered by my question and I wondered if he thought I felt he was too young or too inexperienced for our school. He finally said, "Yeah, I've taught in Chicago."

"Oh, is that where you're from?" I asked, and planned to find out which school so I could look into it.

He didn't respond but asked his own question instead, "What do you teach?"

"I have the advanced English class for all four grades," I said. I was the only teacher aside from gym to have freshmen through seniors. I felt it gave me a unique experience and insight into the entire school. The news seemed to ruffle Edward for some reason and he looked away from my stare.

"What?" I asked, "You don't think I'm bright enough to teach advanced kids?" My own demeanor changed to one of defensiveness until I realized what I was doing. I tried to pull it back, but he had seen my weakness already. "I'm sorry," I added. "I know you didn't mean that."

"I'm sure you are well qualified for the position," he added emphatically.

I sat on one of the desk tops and shook my head. I had so far to go to rid myself of my childhood experience. I finally came out with it. "I was put in a gifted program in first grade, but my teacher told my mother I wasn't smart enough and had to go back to a public school," I admitted. "I guess I'm still carrying the rejection."

Edward's eyes darted around like he wasn't sure what to say. I could tell he stiffened a bit and I felt like I had made him uncomfortable with such personal information. I was ready to leave the room when he suddenly blurted out, "I'm sure he didn't mean you were less gifted, maybe it just wasn't the right environment for you."

"He was beyond cruel to me," I admitted. "He made me feel stupid. Then when I went to public school I was terrified of being sent back there so I pretended to struggle. I don't remember the man, but I sure remember the way he made me feel."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

I nodded and refrained from telling him he had nothing to be sorry for. I was a high school teacher with a master's degree, it was time to let go of my bitterness. I offered him a smile and nodded to the hallway. "Come on, you have to eat something."

"I'm truly not hungry, but I would enjoy some company if you would like to eat in here," he said, and let his eyes drop so he couldn't see my expression.

"Sure," I said happily. "I'll get my lunch and be right back."

I headed across the hall and got my sack out of the bottom drawer. I came back into his room to find him moving things off the desk so I had a place to set up my meal. I laughed and pulled up a chair.

"Mr. Barr never invited me to lunch," I said, "He is the history teacher you are subbing for."

"He doesn't challenge the students enough," Edward replied. "They are further along than his lesson plan suggests."

"Are you winging it?" I asked, because if he was that kind of sub I would request him from now on.

"A bit," he said shyly, most likely acting humble because he worried about my friendship with Mr. Barr.

Since he had invited me to his desk I decided to press him for some information about his family. I wasn't sure if I should start with his sister or his supposed parents. I finally said, "So, are you related to Dr. Cullen?"

"He is my surrogate father," he said without further explanation.

"And is Alice your real sister?" I pushed.

"Real, what does that mean?"

I felt like I had offended him, but he had to admit his family dynamic was a bit odd. She had his same eyes, but that was really it. I didn't get a good enough look at his parents to see their eyes in the shadows. Alice was so tiny when he was so tall and lanky. Her features were small and dark and his were fair and long.

"I mean, is she a full sister or a cousin that you think of as a sister?"

"It's complicated," he mumbled, and it told me what I needed to know. Alice was a relative, just not a sister.

"I heard you have another sibling," I said, and then took a big bite of my sandwich.

His eyes watched me eat in fascination, as if he never saw someone eat a sandwich before. He finally said, "I have a brother, Emmett."

"And they're married?"

His eyes narrowed and he knew I had been asking about his family. I tried to act uninterested but I couldn't pull it off. I was dying to know what was going on in his life that brought him to the survivors meeting last night.

"Yes," he said after a pause. "Alice is married to Jasper, my best friend. Emmett is married to his sister, Rosalie."

I chuckled and his eyes narrowed again. I found it funny that his family was so closely related. It was almost like they had to be with each other for some reason and outsiders couldn't join in. I just hoped his surrogate mother and father were not actually brother and sister.

"What brought you to Forks? It isn't usually on anyone's radar," I questioned.

He grew very flustered and moved uncomfortably in his seat. I felt like I had asked his sexual history not just why he moved to the middle of nowhere. A student walked in and Edward instantly relaxed.

"Ms. Swan, can I work in your room where it's quiet?" she asked.

I moved my chair back and motioned for her to come over to me. I stood and held her face gently in my hands. "Are you fighting with your friends again?" I asked, knowing how much drama girls are capable of.

Her eyes filled with tears and I excused myself and walked with her back to my room. I left my half eaten sandwich on his desk but she needed someone to listen to her or this issue would drag on all week. I nodded as she told me about her problems with her best friend and I offered as much advice as I could without taking a side. I didn't see Edward again until the end of the day.

3

I was writing furiously on the black board in preparation for the next day's class when Edward cleared his throat. The chalk flew from my hand and I screamed automatically. Edward looked horrified and rushed forward to steady me.

"I'm sorry, I thought you heard me enter the room," he apologized.

I placed my hand on my heart and felt it racing wildly. "No, I didn't," I admitted, and then glanced down at his shoes to see why they were so silent.

"I just wanted to thank you for your assistance today. I just found out I will be back tomorrow," he added.

"Great," I said, without pointing out I hadn't really assisted him on much. He seemed to have a great grasp of the kids and the lesson plan.

"Well, goodnight," he added awkwardly and left the room.

I walked over to my window which faced the parking lot to see what kind of car he drove. I never saw him come out of the side door and wondered if his sister hadn't driven him again. Maybe he was unable to drive due to a suspended license, but surely he knew how to drive.

I finished with my preparations and walked out into the light drizzle and rushed to my car. I headed to the grocery store and picked up something to make for dinner. I wasn't sure if my father would be home so I wanted something that would keep. I wandered around the aisles until I turned a corner and ran into Mike Newton. He was the last person I wanted to see.

"Bella," he said loudly. "How in the hell are you?"

"Good," I said, as I was kicking myself mentally.

"When are you going to let me take you to dinner?" he asked, and took a step uncomfortably closer to me.

I moved back and put my small basket in front of me to keep him away. "Oh, I'm kind of seeing someone right now," I lied.

"Who?" he demanded, sure I was lying.

"Edward Cullen, he's new to the area," I said, and prayed this conversation didn't get back to Edward. Forks was small and gossip ruled the area. One little white lie could easily end up in the newspaper.

Mike let his hand reach out and run down my cheek as he said, "Come on, give me a chance."

My head turned away from his touch and I said quickly. "Don't touch me." I hadn't meant for it to sound so emphatic, but it sent chills down my spine to be touched so wontedly.

"Why are you such a bitch," Mike said, and took another step toward me.

A hand reached out from behind me and pushed Mike back so forcefully he fell into the shelves. I looked up to see Edward staring lividly at Mike. "Apologize to the lady, right now," he demanded.

"Edward, no, it's okay," I said, to spare myself from further embarrassment.

He looked stunned that I would ask him to back off. He grabbed Mike by the front of the shirt and held him right in front of me. "Apologize," he said with clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry," Mike said, without a hint of sincerity.

Edward let him go and Mike stormed off without looking back. I had no idea if Edward had heard me say we were a couple, but I wanted out of that store as quickly as possible. I turned around and darted to the checkout stand with only a few items. I didn't see where Edward went but found him as I walked toward my car.

He was leaning against it with his arms crossed and I let my head fall in shame. I walked up to where he stood and said, "I'm sorry to bring you into this. I was just looking for an excuse and knew he wouldn't recognize your name."

"I don't mind," he said, so my head raised and I looked at his face to see if he was serious. "I'm just glad I decided to come by here."

"Where's your car?" I asked, since he had left such a long time before me.

"I walked," he said and got antsy again.

"All the way from your home?" I gasped.

"It isn't that far if you know a path through the trees," he said, and I automatically looked down at his shoes again. They weren't covered in mud or leaves, but they were running shoes.

"Come on," I offered. "I'll give you a ride home."

He got in my car and I realized I had ice-cream in my bag so I asked if I could run past my place first. He only nodded so I headed to Charlie's. I expected him to stay in the car but he opened the door when I pulled into the driveway. He followed me up to the house and then took the bag from my arm so I could unlock the door.

I pulled the ice-cream out and put it in the freezer as he looked around the kitchen. "Okay, I'll take care of the rest later," I said, and picked up my keys.

"No, I'll wait," he offered and reached in to take a can of corn from the bag. I took the time to put away the rest of the groceries and then turned to face Edward.

"Ready?" I asked.

He looked at me for a moment and I suddenly felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Something was different about him, but I couldn't articulate it into words. I realized I was alone in an empty house with a man I didn't know. Maybe they moved here because he was wanted by the law?

"Did I tell you my father is the police chief?" I asked, and realized how the words sounded coming out of my mouth. I instantly tried to make it sound more natural. "He told me how lucky we are to have your father practicing here."

"I haven't met very many people," he said softly, as if apologizing for not knowing my father. It made me feel badly for thinking he was a criminal. He was just a shy guy who obviously had come out of an abusive relationship and needed a friend.

"You're welcome to stay for dinner, if you like?" I said, and kicked off my shoes.

He smiled lightly and then said, "Maybe another time. I better go. I'll jog from here."

He headed out the back door and instead of going to the front and down the road; he headed into the forest and out of sight. I had lived in Forks since I was sixteen and I had no idea where the forest led from my house. He moved here recently and already knew how to find his way through the dark woods. It gave me an uneasy feeling again, so I reached out and locked the door.

I made myself some soup and a grilled cheese sandwich before taking it to the sofa in the family room. I turned on the television and watched a vapid reality show. I worried for this generation and what would become of them. When I grew sleepy I headed up to bed and left my dad a note telling him to heat up some soup.

I put on my favorite old t-shirt and brushed my teeth before climbing into my cold bed. I snuggled under the covers and closed my eyes. I thought back to all the times Jake would come home drunk and I would pretend to be asleep. It felt good to drift safely to sleep.

A loud noise woke me up and I looked around my room to see my picture of me and my mother lying on the floor. I got out of bed and picked it up to see the glass was broken. I looked into the hallway to see if my father had gotten home and perhaps slammed a door, causing the picture to fall. His bedroom door was shut, telling me he was home, but the light was out.

I set the frame further back on my desk and got back into bed. It was difficult to fall back asleep and I kept sitting up to look around my room. I knew I was going to be tired and grumpy the next day and it was too late to take something to help me sleep. I finally headed downstairs to watch television and ended up sleeping on the couch for the rest of the night.

I heard my alarm go off upstairs and ran up to turn it off. I got in the shower and then came down to fix breakfast. My dad came in and started coffee before sitting at the table and rubbing his eyes.

"Tough night?" I asked.

"Yeah, the kids on the rez are acting up again," he groaned.

"Why does it concern you?"

"Billy wanted me to talk to them, scare them straight or something," he explained.

I nodded and kept my opinion to myself. I wondered why Billy didn't talk to his own son about right and wrong instead of worrying about the young kids.

"Watch how you slam the doors," I said. "You knocked a picture off my desk."

"I didn't slam any doors," he said, and acted offended that I would accuse him of it. I let it drop since he was obviously in a bad mood, just as I was.

I ate quickly and went upstairs to dress. I picked out a dress, purposefully wanting to look nice since Edward would be back again. I looked down to decide on which shoes and saw some mud and a leaf on my closet floor.

I picked it up and it was still wet. I glanced around the closet and noticed a footprint on the carpet in the shape of a running shoe. I got on my knees to inspect it further, realizing it was a lot bigger than my foot.

"Dad," I yelled. "Were you in my room at all?"

"No," he yelled back from the kitchen.

"Come here," I said, and felt terrified at the thought of someone in my room as I slept.

Charlie came to my closet door and looked at me on the floor. I handed him the muddy leaf and pointed at the shoe print. "Someone's been in my room," I said.

"Don't jump to conclusions," he said, and kneeled down next to me.

I was furious at his lack of concern and exploded in a rage. "You better tell Billy to keep that son-of-a-bitch away from me. I won't put up with him stalking me under my own roof."

I took my dress into the bathroom and finished my makeup before grabbing shoes and walking out in anger. Charlie was on the phone and I assumed he was having a talk with Jake. I drove to school and then sat in my car as my body shook in fear and anger. Jake terrified me and that made me angry. I wanted to move past his abuse and learn to be confident and secure, but just the thought of him watching me sleep pushed me over the edge.

I finally exited the car and headed to my classroom. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my nerves before any kids came in. I was working on my lesson plan when I glanced up to see Edward standing right in front of my desk. I screamed loudly, already wound too tightly from the footprint.

"What is wrong with you," I yelled. "Get out of here."

Edward quickly spun around and walked toward the door without saying a word. I put my head on the desk and sighed loudly. Obviously Edward was used to doing what he was told. Someone had broken him down and my yelling didn't help. I got up and made my across the hallway. I walked into the room to find Alice there. She was angry and talking softly but very forcefully to Edward. They both turned to look at me in surprise.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," I said. "I just want to apologize, Edward. I was startled and took it out on you."

I saw Alice nudge her brother and he quickly said, "No problem."

I didn't buy his affirmation and felt he was more than a little upset by my actions. I wasn't sure what to do so I went back to my room.


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

4

The day was busy and I didn't give Edward or my intruder another thought. I worked with some students during lunch to keep them up with the fast pace I set and made sure to tell them over and over again they were bright enough for my course. I knew what it felt like to be told you aren't good enough and I didn't want my kids to experience it.

When the day ended I headed to my car and found Edward leaning against it. I assumed he wanted a ride home and hoped it wasn't becoming a habit. "Do you need a ride?" I asked, without a smile.

"No, I wanted to talk to you," he said, and let his head fall.

I waited as the rain fell lightly on my hair, but he didn't say anything, so I motioned for him to get into the car. I kept the keys in my hand and turned to face him. "What is it?" I asked.

"I want you to know I think you are very smart," he said weirdly.

I really didn't give a rat's ass what he thought of me, but I smiled and nodded anyway. He shook his head like it wasn't what he meant to say and tried to explain. "I listened to you at the support meeting and the way you work with your students. I'm very impressed, and I don't get impressed easily."

This time I actually laughed and wanted to tell him to get the hell out of my car, but I just said, "Thanks, can I go?"

"This isn't coming out like I wanted," he said with exasperation. "I just want you to know….."

"That you're impressed and think I'm smart," I said to help him out.

He reached for the door handle and said, "I won't be here tomorrow."

"I'll be sure to tell Mr. Barr you did a wonderful job," I said to rush him away.

He finally got out of my car and I put in my key and started the engine. I drove out of the parking lot and as I looked back into my mirror I saw Edward walking into the forest. I was tempted to park and follow him, but I had on a dress and heels so I drove right home instead.

I changed into some casual clothes and walked into the back yard to look at the dense woods. I walked in a few yards and the darkness sent me right back to the house. I wasn't big on the outdoors and didn't understand how Jake could hunt and fish so much, but he was most likely really with other women instead. I no longer believed anything Jake had told me over the years.

As the evening wore on I found myself thinking more and more about Edward. I was attracted to him, but I wasn't interested in a relationship. I just wanted to know what it was that was so odd about him and why. I sat at my computer and googled his name. I came up with nothing.

When my father got home I went downstairs to find him looking in the refrigerator. I pushed him aside and got some food to make him a plate. It made him uncomfortable when I waited on him, but I felt I owed him for letting me live in his house for free.

"I met one of the Cullens today," he announced.

"I thought you already knew Dr. Cullen?"

"Not officially, I've just heard of them," he explained.

"Which one did you meet?" I asked, and tried to sound vaguely interested.

"Rosalie Cullen," he informed me. "She is a looker that's for sure."

I rolled my eyes at him and asked, "Where did you meet her?"

"She was speeding through town and I pulled her over. I only gave her a warning, but she seemed angry to even be pulled over."

I turned to face him directly and sat the spatula down. "Did she seem…odd?"

"Like a bit touched in the head?" he asked.

"No," I laughed. "Did she seem too still, or too…perfect?"

"Like I said, she was a looker, but her anger intimidated me a bit. I guess a pretty woman can still turn my head," he said with a chuckle.

I worried about my father being alone in life, but he always seemed so happy. I had no idea if he dated or hooked up with women. It wasn't something I wanted knowledge of.

"Edward Cullen was a sub for two days at the school. He was actually a pretty good sub," I admitted.

"Is he the single one?" Charlie asked.

"You know he is," I said, to stop his attempt to act naïve.

We ate together and then watched a movie before we parted and dad headed up to bed. I shut off all the lights and went to my room without turning a lamp on. I walked over to my window and glanced out to see Edward looking up at my window from across the street. He jumped a bit like he knew I was looking at him, and then casually began walking down the road.

I ran down the stairs and out the door before heading down the street after Edward. I was barefoot and he turned and waited for me to reach him. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I was cooling down from a run," he said nervously.

"Does cooling down entail looking in my window?"

His face looked shocked by my accusation and he quickly shook his head, "No, I wasn't looking in your window. I was taking a few breaths and happened to glance up."

His explanation sounded reasonable and I was embarrassed by my action. I ran after him like a lunatic and I wasn't sure how to explain it.

"I'm sorry," I stammered. "My ex-husband has been….well, he stalks, oh God, I overreacted."

His face looked concerned and he stepped closer to me. "Is he bothering you?"

"I think he was in my room," I said, and looked down at my feet. "I found some mud and leaves in my closet along with a footprint."

Edward was silent and I finally looked up to see his expression. He looked mortified and I found the nerve to ask him about his abusive past. "Why were you at the meeting the other night?"

"It is complicated," he said again.

"No, it really isn't. I understand how someone you love can betray you. I've done tons of counseling and I blame my first grade teacher for the plummet of my self-esteem."

His shoulders slumped in the familiar way and he stepped away from me. "I'm sure things felt worse than they were. I mean you were only six."

"He wouldn't let me speak. He berated me constantly and condemned everything I said or did. He's the reason I became a teacher. I couldn't stand the thought of someone like him teaching kids they don't matter."

"You matter," he yelled loudly. His outburst startled me and I felt afraid of him. I took a step back toward my house and he reached out to stop me. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to know you are worth more than what your ex-husband and that….teacher, led you to believe."

"So who broke you down?" I asked, to see if he would confide or not.

"I did," he said to confuse me. "I've ruined my life by making all the wrong decisions. I want Forks to work for me. I need Forks to work for me."

I knew he was blaming himself for whatever went wrong in his relationship. I had to work very hard to make sure I placed the blame on Jake where it belonged, and not take the responsibility on my shoulders.

"Edward, if you are being victimized it isn't your fault. Was it an ex or someone else?" I pushed, and wasn't about to let him dodge the question.

"My father," he said very softly. I was a bit shocked at whom he named, but I knew coming into his aunts family must have been difficult. "I rebelled and caused problems for everyone."

"How old were you?" I asked.

"Eighteen," he said even softer.

"Edward, it is a difficult age in the best of circumstances. I'm sure they expected it to be a difficult transition."

"If I agree, will you agree your first grade teacher didn't know what he was talking about?"

I smiled at how easily he turned it back to me. He smiled back and I had to admit he was gorgeous when he was happy. It seemed to be a rare emotion and I felt a bit privileged to be the one who made him smile.

We were grown adults still carrying around the wounds of childhood; it made us compatriots of sorts. I reached out to touch his arm and he jumped back as if I was going to hit him. I pulled back and watched his expression change to embarrassment. "I just wanted to thank you for talking to me," I said.

I headed back across the street and he called out to me. "Bella?"

I stopped and looked back at him, "Yes."

He gave me a crooked smile that sent my heart racing like a school girl. "It was my pleasure, anytime."

With that he turned and began to jog down the street. I watched him for a moment and then went back into my house. I changed into my nightshirt and got into bed. I tried to sleep, but thoughts of Edward kept filling my head. I wondered how it would feel to kiss his lips and hold him in my arms. It was the first time I had those feelings since running away from Jake in the dead of night.

I showed up at school the next morning a felt a bit sad Edward wouldn't be across the hall. I was distracted all day and even my students notice. I finally yelled at myself for becoming so caught up in a man I didn't even know. It wasn't like me and the feelings bothered me. I wondered if I felt the need to help him, or if it was simply his good looks pulling me in.

After school I hurried out to my car and was disappointed not to see Edward. It was a bright sunny day and I had hoped he was out for a run. I searched for him the whole drive home, but I never saw him. I put on my own running clothes and headed down the road to the far side of town.

It had been a long time since I ran and my body was cursing me for putting it through this rigor. I finally stopped and took several deep breaths before changing my stride to a quick walk. I heard a noise in the forest and turned to see Edward standing under the trees smiling at me.

"God, you scared me," I said and held my hand to my heart.

"You shouldn't walk alone," he replied.

I laughed and looked back the way I had come from. "Well, I was running a moment ago," I said, to spare my pride.

"I know," he said, and gave me an adorable smirk.

I stood there and wondered if he was going to want to run with me, it would be humiliating. He finally tossed his head toward the forest and said, "I can show you a short cut home."

"Thank God," I laughed, and hurried toward him.

I followed him through the thick brush until I finally took a moment to look around. In that split second he was gone. I was left alone in the dark forest realizing I was more vulnerable than I had ever been. My body turned cold and my heart pounded in fear. I spun around and tried to find my way back to the main road.

5

I was close to running when Edward stepped onto the trail in front of me. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt an overwhelming desire to scream. He raised one hand and said very softly. "It's okay, I'm right here."

He didn't realize it was him I was afraid of. I backed up and shook my head. "There is something strange about you. I want you to stay away from me."

His expression looked tormented and he struggled with something to say. He finally nodded and said, "I would never hurt you, Bella." He turned and left the trail.

I continued on until I got back to the road. I ran for as long as I could and then walked the rest of the way home. I got there just before sundown and rushed in to lock the door behind me. I was shaking and had no idea why. I finally took a long shower and put on an actual pair of pajamas before heading downstairs.

Charlie hadn't come home so I made some eggs for dinner. I kept walking over to the window and peeking out to see if I could see anyone looking back from the forest. A strange car pulled up and two women got out. I recognized one as Alice.

I moved away from the window and wondered if they would go away if I refused to answer the door.  
>All the self-improvement classes I had taken and I still coward from people. I finally walked to the door and opened it with feigned confidence.<p>

"Hi Bella," Alice said with her high voice. "I would like to introduce you to my sister-in-law, Rosalie."

The woman glared at me so I crossed my arms and said, "You shouldn't speed through town. My father won't be so skewed by your beauty next time."

I had to admit the woman was exceptionally beautiful. Her long blonde hair fell in perfect waves, and her body looked like it had been sculpted to perfection. She had the odd color of eyes, just like Alice. God, was the entire family related in some way?

"May we come in?" Alice asked.

I stepped back and they entered my house. Alice looked at me, but Rosalie glanced around at the simple furniture in my father's simple home. I shut the door and walked over to sit on the sofa. Alice sat next to me but Rosalie remained standing.

"I think my brother is very taken with you," Alice said, as if it was a great compliment.

"Look," I began, "Edward is a whole level of crazy that I don't need."

Rosalie laughed and Alice turned to give her a warning glare. I had a feeling Rosalie agreed with my assessment and it made me curious as to what his brother was like. There was certainly a reason Edward was still single.

"My brother is very caring and very…"

I held up my hand to stop her. "Your brother is very handsome, but I am dealing with a really bad divorce. I'm not interested in any man right now."

Alice furrowed her brow and gave me a silent stare. I glanced up at Rosalie and saw her looking at something. I didn't follow her gaze because she was standing totally still, in the weird manner Edward often would. It looked like she wasn't breathing.

"Where are you from?" I asked them both.

Rosalie finally turned to look at me and smiled weirdly. "I'm from New York."

"What brought you to Forks?" I asked, wanting to know what Edward wouldn't tell me.

Alice let her head fall to the side and she smiled brightly at me. "Edward brought us here."

"Why?" I was suddenly feeling nervous and wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. He told me Forks needed to work for him, but I had no idea why.

"Alice, let's go," Rosalie said harshly.

Alice hesitated but finally stood and followed her sister-in-law to the door. I walked behind them both and when they stepped outside Alice turned to look at me. Her odd colored eyes seemed to almost glow in the darkness, giving me chills.

"Bella, whoever gets Edward is extremely lucky."

"I'm sure she will be," I said, and shut the door.

I didn't see any of the Cullens for the rest of the week. I drove to Port Angeles for my next group session and was grateful to find Edward not in attendance. I participated and we talked about the fear of getting into another relationship. I realized I was pushing Edward away because I was afraid to love again, not because he was weird or scary. I was projecting things onto him because I was damaged. I drove home with tears streaming down my face. I hated the idea of letting Jake and my horrible first grade teacher keep me down.

The next day I headed into class and ran into Jessica. She taught at the end of the hallway. "Did you hear about Lance?" she asked. I never called Mr. Barr by his first name and I shook my head. "He was in an accident. A hit and run driver. He'll be out for several weeks."

"Really?" I gasped. "Did they hire a temporary replacement?"

"Yes, that cute Mr. Cullen," she said, and looked over at the closed door.

I tensed and quickly made my way to my room. Maybe it was a teaching position Edward meant when he said this town had to work for him. I was setting up my room when the door opened and Edward walked in. I tried to smile and it was easier when he looked so nervous.

"I hear you have a job for a few weeks," I said, to ease the tension.

"It isn't serious," he said to confuse me.

"What isn't?"

"Mr. Barr's injuries, he'll heal completely."

I found his comment odd, as if he felt responsible for the man's wreck. His penchant for taking on guilt for everything was so familiar to me. "It isn't your fault," I told him, but he looked away from me.

We both stood there awkwardly so I finally said, "I met your sister-in-law, she is very beautiful."

"They don't know very many people. I think it is hard for them," he said, to make me feel horrible for how I treated them. I instantly made plans to go to a movie or dinner with them and try to be more civil. It wasn't their fault I found Edward a bit too much for me at the moment.

"I'll give you a tour of the place at lunch, since you'll be here for a while," I offered. He nodded and left the room. I felt a little grain of excitement and quickly quashed it.

The students came in and I got right to work. I assigned them the task of coming up with their own fairy tale. It had to have similar dark qualities as the Grimm brothers, along with a moral message. The kids began on the project and as I graded test papers. The morning passed quickly and when lunch arrived Edward was waiting at my door.

"I'll show you the lunch room first," I announced. He didn't respond and walked one step behind me the entire way, even if I slowed to make myself even with him. I opened the large metal door and said, "Would you like to get a tray of food?"

"I'm fine," he said, so I continued on with the tour.

We were stopped by a girl from my class who asked if she could use the 'Three Bears' concept but make it her own. I assured her it would be okay and then turned to Edward, "They are making their own fairy tales as a writing assignment."

He nodded and remained quiet. I showed him all the places teachers were allowed to go and we ended up back at our rooms again. I had to eat in a hurry at my desk before my next class began. I wasn't sure if Edward ate at all.

I headed to the parking lot after school and saw Edward get into a brand new car and drive away. I didn't understand why he would make such a purchase since he would only be teaching for a few weeks. He must be hoping this would grow into a fulltime job.

I stopped by the grocery store and arrived home to see my father's squad car out front. I got the two sacks of groceries and walked through the back door. I could smell perfume that was not mine. I sat the bags on the counter and went into the living room to see a woman sitting on the sofa.

"You must be Bella," she said with a smile.

"Yes," I said, and glanced around for my father.

"I'm Trina, Charlie and I are attending a fundraiser tonight," she said, and extended her hand to me. She was dressed in a sexy, clingy gown and I suddenly worried about my father's ability to look suave and sophisticated.

I excused myself and ran upstairs to check on him. He was dressed in his best uniform. "Dad, shouldn't you have on a tux or something?"

"No, it is a policeman s event. Do I look okay?" he asked, and I could tell how nervous he was.

"You look very handsome," I said with a grin. "Who's the woman?"

"Nobody," he said, and gave me a look to tell me not to push any further.

"Oh, I'll be out late tonight," I told him. "I just want you to know in case you want to come back here."

I wasn't sure I would come home at all if Charlie had a woman over. His room was just down the hall from mine and if I could hear him snoring I'm sure there were other things I would be able to hear too.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, and put his wallet in his pants and headed down the stairs.

It was Friday and I didn't feel like sitting home, since my own father managed to find something to do, I should be able to also. I looked up the phone number to the Cullens and breathed a sigh of relief when Alice's high pitched voice answered.

"Hi, Alice. This is Bella," I began. "I was wondering if you and…Rosalie, would like to catch a movie or something." I hated to invite Rosalie to come along, but it would be rude to exclude her.

"Rose is gone for the weekend," she said to my delight. "But I would love to go."

"Great, I'll check on the movies playing in Port Angeles. Do you want to get some dinner first?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I already ate," she said and I quickly told her that was fine.

We made plans for the night. I ate quickly and changed into jeans and a tee with a small jacket. I drove to the Cullens and prayed I wouldn't run into Edward. Alice answered the door and invited me in. She looked at me with sad eyes and said, "Bella, my husband is sick and you know how much of a baby a man can be. I won't be able to go, but Edward said he would take my place."

I was ready to refuse when Edward walked into the entry way. I looked at him with embarrassment and then said, "It's okay, we can go another time."

"I would love that," Alice said. "But don't let me ruin your night. Edward would be great company."

I felt trapped. I didn't want him to think we were going on a date. This was just a friend's night out and I wasn't sure how to make sure he understood that. He finally said. "There is a movie I have wanted to see. We can go to separate movies if you prefer."

I realized how ridiculous I was sounding, so I said, "I don't mind seeing the same movie, what are friends for?"

6

No matter how hard I tried to make it seem natural and non-date like, it felt exactly like a date. Edward insisted on driving and opened my door to help me into his car. I sat silently and stared out the window as he drove much too fast.

His body never relaxed as he drove and it was excruciatingly awkward. I sighed and he looked over at me. I smiled and he quickly looked back at the road. This was not the way I imagined spending the evening and I really hoped Trina would take my dad to her place.

We parked and walked up to the ticket window. I pulled out my wallet and Edward stepped in front of me and purchased the tickets. I was shocked when he picked the girl movie I was planning to see with Alice. "This was the movie you wanted to see?" I asked him.

"Yes," he lied, and I loved that he lied about it.

We walked into the lobby and he turned to ask if I wanted something to eat. "You go ahead, I already ate," I explained.

He passed the snack counter and we entered the theater and found good seats. If he wouldn't carry his part of the conversation it was going to me a long wait. "Do you enjoy your class?" I asked him.

"Yes, they are good kids, for high school," he said.

"Have you taught grade school?" I asked.

He gave me a quick nod and changed the subject. "I don't think Jasper is sick," he blurted out.

"Alice is trying to play matchmaker?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Alice is always trying to make the future into what she thinks it should be," he said with disgust.

"Can I ask an odd question?" I asked him, and noticed how he tensed. "Why do you all live together?"

His head spun around to look at me as if the question was totally out of line. "Why wouldn't we, we're a family?"

"I know, and I think it is commendable. I mean, I live with my dad so I understand the financial upside. I just don't know why Alice and Rosalie would want to live in Forks."

The theater lights dimmed and Edward didn't answer. He turned his head to the screen and didn't look at me again until the end of the movie. I was wiping my tears from the emotional ending and I thought I saw him actually move away from me. Maybe he thought an emotional woman would want something from him?

We stood and walked from the theater and onto the sidewalk to make our way to the parking lot. I heard someone call out my name and turned to look over my shoulder. I automatically reached out and grabbed onto Edward's arm, causing him to look back also.

Jake and his friends were walking toward us and Jake looked Edward up and down. I knew there was going to be a fight and I tried to pull Edward away, but he stood firm. "Come on," I begged him.

"Is this him?" he asked me.

"Bella," Jake laughed. "Whoring around again?"

"Come on," I said and pulled on Edward again. He was immovable and towered over Jake, although Jake was a lot more muscular.

"Who's the loser?" Jake asked, and looked at Edward.

"Leave us alone," I said, and moved in front of Edward. He took hold of my arm and easily moved me out of the way.

"I'm Edward," he said without any emotion.

"Well, Eddie boy. I'm Bella's husband," Jake announced.

"Ex-husband," I said emphatically.

He sneered at me and then turned his attention back to Edward. Jake was feeling bolstered by the fact his friends were there to back him up and moved to get right into Edward's face. "I don't like the fact you're out with my woman," he said in a threatening tone.

Edward gave him a slight smile and narrowed his eyes before saying, "She's not your woman."

There was something in Edward's demeanor that was terrifying although he was very calm. He obviously wasn't going to back down and Jake looked around to make sure his buddies were still with him.

"Are you willing to fight for a whore?" Jake asked.

"I'm willing to break your jaw if you call her that again," Edward said softly.

I was desperate to stop the carnage I felt was coming so I headed to the car again. "I'm leaving," I yelled over my shoulder.

I had taken two steps when I heard Jake yell out in pain. I looked back to see Edward standing just as he had been and Jake holding his hand in pain. I wasn't sure what happened, but Edward turned and followed me to his car. When we were both inside I asked, "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing," he replied. "He punched me in the gut and hurt his hand."

I looked down at Edward's thin frame and wondered exactly what his abs must look like to hurt Jake's hand. I wasn't about to ask to see them, so I said, "You must be in great shape."

"I'm okay," he said with a sly grin, and I felt my face blush.

I was grateful when he pulled out of town and didn't ask to stop for drinks. It was a shared movie and that was it. When he finally pulled off the main road I said, "Edward, thank you for going to the movie with me. I'm sure you would rather do something much more exciting with your friends."

He chuckled and said, "I thought this was pretty exciting,"

"Well, fighting with Jake is a typical Friday night for me," I groaned.

He pulled in front of his house, right behind my car, and turned off his engine. Instead of opening his door he turned to face me. "I don't have any friends," he announced.

"Oh, that's right, you're new here. I thought Jasper was your best friend," I said, to show him he had someone besides me.

"He's Alice's husband more than my friend."

I could see his point, but I also didn't want him clinging onto me. "There is a softball league in town if you want to meet some guys."

He laughed loudly and it made me wonder what was so funny. He nodded to the house and said, "Come in and I'll show you why it's funny."

I got out of the car and followed Edward into the house. He headed down a long hallway to the very back of the house. He opened a big door and stepped into a huge room. It was open but had its own library area, grand piano and then a huge bed. "Is this your bedroom?" I gasped.

"I spend most of my time in here. It is pretty much my house," he said, and it made me sad to think he was so alone.

He walked over to the piano and sat down on the bench. His hands moved flawlessly over the keys as he sat perfectly still with his eyes closed. I realized he was telling me he was musical, and not into sports.

When he finally turned to look at me I smiled. "You're very talented," I said.

"I just practice a lot," he said shyly.

"And read," I added, and looked over at his impressive collection of books.

"Yes, I read a lot," he said, and followed me over to the shelves.

I walked along to read the titles of the books and stopped when I saw a scrapbook. I reached for it but his hand shot out and took it before I had a chance to get it. "This is private," he said harshly.

It ticked me off a bit so I walked back to the door and said, "I better be going."

I honestly hoped he would stop me in case my father was home with Trina. He looked at me with such a hurt expression it made me feel guilty for leaving. I took a hesitant step and he spoke up to save me. "I wish you would stay and spend some time with Alice."

It wasn't the proposal I was expecting, but I nodded in agreement. "Have a seat," he said. "I'll get her."

I walked over to where a chair sat next to his bed. I sat for a few minutes and then moved over to his massive bed. I pushed it with my hands to see how soft it was and then sat down and felt it mold to my form. I couldn't stop myself and stretched out to experience the amazing softness of his bed.

At that moment he came back into the room. I jumped up and moved quickly to the chair. He smiled and it made me laugh. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. What kind of mattress do you have? That bed is amazing!"

"I'm really not sure," he said, and pulled up the comforter.

"Wow, you have a memory foam bed," I said and got on my knees to look closer.

"Is that good?" he asked.

"You must sleep like a baby," I said, and glanced up at him.

He ignored me and said, "Alice is with Jasper, but she would love to have you over next week."

"Yeah, okay," I said and got off my knees. "I better be going."

He followed me out of the room and I stopped and let him go in front of me to show me out of the massive house. He walked me to my car and opened the door for me. I got in and quickly started the engine. "I'll see you Monday," I said nonchalantly.

"Thank you for this evening," he said and I groaned. It sounded like a date and it was the last thing I wanted. I nodded and drove away.

I got home and luckily found it empty. I took a long bath and finally went to sleep after tossing and turning on my uncomfortable mattress. I couldn't complain too much, since I wasn't sleeping next to Jake.

I spent the weekend doing wash and cleaning house from top to bottom. I worked on some lesson plans and decided to clean out my closet. It wasn't an exciting weekend, but the time passed quickly. I pulled down a box from my closet and rummaged through some old keepsakes. I came across my class pictures from elementary school.

I looked through the pile and found the one of my time at the gifted school. I couldn't see the face of my teacher, because I had scratched it off years ago. I looked at my terrified face and mourned for the little girl who lost her confidence at such a young age.

I found a note the teacher sent to my mother.

_Ms. Swan,_

_Isabella is not suited for this school. She would progress much more naturally in the public school system. For her development I strongly suggest you remove her from my class._

_Respectfully,_

_Mr. Masen _

I quickly refolded the note and placed it back in the box. I despised that man and hoped he was no longer teaching children. I dreamed that night of being stuck in a classroom with no way out. I pounded on the doors and screamed for help. I heard a man behind me and turned to see Mr. Masen, but as he walked closer he had Edward's face. I ran to him and begged for help but he laughed at me and called me stupid.

I sat up as I gasped for air. I was terrified when I rolled over and saw an indention in the pillow next to me. It was as if a head had been resting there. I jumped up and turned on the light as I searched my closet and looked out the window.

I couldn't shake the feeling someone had not only been in my room, but in my bed. I felt like I was going crazy.


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

7

I showed up to school the next morning tired and looking exhausted. I knew it was going to be a long day and prayed the students would go easy on me. I had them hand in their assignments and we took turns reading aloud from a book about fairy tales around the world. I actually had to take a turn reading so I could stay awake.

When lunch arrived I headed to the teacher's lounge to get a strong cup of coffee. I returned to find Edward standing by my desk. He looked guilty, but I had no idea why. "Do you need something?" I asked him.

"We have an assembly on Thursday, how does that work?" he asked.

"You have all your classes; they are just each ten minutes shorter. The final hour is the assembly. It helps if you offer extra credit for those who attend."

He nodded and then left my room without saying anything further. I opened the folder on my desk and drank my coffee as I read over the papers. The kids were creative and I was impressed with what I was reading, until I came to a story about a vampire in modern times. It was interesting, but the student made the vampire too human. It lacked the basics, like sleeping during the day and burning at the touch of a crucifix. These vampires walked among us and didn't even drink human blood.

I looked at the top of the paper for who wrote it, but there was no name. I set it aside and when I finished with all the papers I would see whose name was missing a check mark. The afternoon passed and I felt more alert. When school ended I went back to my paper grading.

When I finished all the tales I looked over the roster and found all the names were checked. I glanced back at the paper and realize it must have been a first draft and the student accidently turned it in with the better concept.

I gathered up my things and headed to the parking lot. Edward was in the hallway and waited for me to catch up. "How was your day?" he asked.

"Good," I said, and stepped out into the rainy afternoon. I groaned and placed my leather bag over my head and said, "This is a great day for vampires."

He spun around to face me and said very quickly, "What?"

"Nothing," I laughed. "I had a student write a paper about modern vampires who like the cloudy weather of Forks. They didn't hunt the townsfolk, only the animals in the woods were in danger."

"I think I like these vampires," he said, and looked away from me.

"Really?" I laughed, "I think if you're a vampire you should act like one. I mean, why have eternal life, if you can't pillage and plunder?"

His face wasn't finding amusement by my words. I could tell he was upset and very serious. He stopped walking and said, "Vampires are not given a choice when they are made. It would be like expecting a rape victim to be a whore."

I stopped walking too, and turned to face him. "Except there are no such thing as vampires," I pointed out.

"Some say there is no such thing as a God," he added.

"I guess I'm willing to take my chances with not believing in vampires, but not so willing to damn my soul by not believing in God."

He leaned in closer and said, "Maybe your soul is in more danger from a vampire and less from a God."

I let my bag drop and the drizzle rained down on my head as I stared at him with an open mouth. "Are you saying you believe in mythical creatures? Are their fairies in the woods? Is that why you spend so much time in there?"

"You live in Forks for heaven's sake. Don't pretend to know anything about this world or any other, don't act stupid, Bella."

His words hit their mark. It was the deeply rooted insecurity Mr. Masen had planted in the fiber of my being. I began to fold in on myself and managed to have just enough strength not to do it in front of Edward. I turned and ran for my car. I started the engine and squealed my tires as I tore out of the parking lot.

I let him conqueror me over something as stupid as vampires. I felt immature and embarrassed by my behavior. I was twenty six, and still easily crushed by biting remarks. When I arrived home I was angry. I was mad at myself and mad at Edward. If I let this go it would only fester so I headed back to my car and out of town toward the Cullen's home.

When I got out of the car I saw Alice and a blonde man coming from the woods. Alice instantly pushed him back into the darkness and then ran over to me with a smile on her face. "Who was that?" I asked, still looking at the forest.

"Oh, it was Jasper, we went for a walk and I forgot my sweater. He is going back for it."

"Is it wise for him to be out in the rain after being so ill?" I asked, feeling like she had played me and forced me to go out with Edward after all.

"You know men," she said, and took hold of my arm to pull me toward the house. "You can't keep them down too long."

I removed my shoes as soon as we stepped into the foyer and a large man came out to greet us. He was very handsome, with dark curly hair and a huge smile on his face. He was the first person besides Alice to make me smile in return.

"I'm Emmett Cullen," he said, and then rubbed his palms together forcefully before shaking my hand with his warm ones.

"This is Bella," Alice said, and they both smiled wider, making me aware I had been a family topic of conversation.

"Hi Bella, you don't look scary at all," he laughed.

I would have been offended, but his own laughter led to mine. Of course he wouldn't find me scary, he was married to Rosalie. She managed to intimidate my own father.

"Is Edward home?" I asked, suddenly not exactly sure why I had come over in the first place.

"He went for a run," Emmett said. "You can wait in his room if you like."

I nodded and headed down the long hallway to his suite. I knocked before opening the door just in case he had come back home without anyone noticing. When it was silent I entered the room. I sat in the chair next to his bed and tried to remember why I had come to yell at him. It all seemed silly now.

He entered the room from a door connected to a back deck that I hadn't noticed. I jumped and stood to face him. He was in running clothes and he had a small amount of blood on his jacket. I had no idea how he got home and changed in time to run so quickly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pointing to the blood.

"Yeah," he said with a firm voice. "It isn't mine."

"Hopefully, it's Jake's," I mumbled under my breath.

Edward walked to his bathroom and removed the jacket, remaining in a long sleeve t-shirt that clung to his chest. I tried to look away but my eyes kept finding their way back to his body. He finally started the conversation I had intended to start.

"I'm sorry I upset you earlier."

"No, don't apologize," I said, and shook my head. "It was a ridiculous conversation and I don't know why I got so upset. I mean, vampires, really?"

I laughed but Edward remained silent. I headed to the door and he finally spoke very softly. "Bella, all fairy tales were written out of true legends, no matter how ridiculous they seem. You experienced the tale of Beauty and the Beast yourself."

"There is nothing good hidden inside of Jake," I said, as my body began to shake from the memories. "He didn't hold me captive out of love."

"And what happened to you was not of your choosing, was it?" he asked, and reached out to stop me from leaving. "You never chose to be his victim, it happened to you."

I had an odd feeling he was trying to tell me something, something about what happened to him, but I couldn't quite put it all together. One moment we were fighting over imaginary vampires and the next he was staring into my eyes as if begging me to understand.

"Did your father hurt you?" I asked him in a very soft voice.

"Yes," he said with just a whisper.

"Dr. Cullen?" I whispered back.

"I was dying," he said, to completely confuse me. I was lost and not sure I wanted to know what he meant. I knew something awful happened to make Edward so hesitant, but he was brave and stood up to Jake, so his lack of confidence confused me even more.

"Edward, there are people you can talk to, professionals."

He shook his head furiously and said, "You're not listening."

"I am," I assured him, "I just don't know how to help you. I'm in need of my own help so I can't…"

His demeanor grew forceful and he took hold of my shoulders, hurting me with his strong hands. "I don't need your help, Bella. Think about what I'm saying and figure it out, use your brain."

We were right back to where we started and I pulled away from him. I rubbed my shoulder with my hand and glared at him for being so rough with me. "Don't put your hands on me again," I warned. "And if you call me stupid one more time you better cover your balls."

I left the room and practically ran from the house. I was shaking with anger at the audacity he had to treat me in such a manner. I had shared with him my issues with Jake, but he insisted I guess his. I was done playing with him and planned to stay as far away as possible.

I got home and began dinner. Charlie never showed so I stuck it in the fridge and worked on some papers before getting ready for bed. I couldn't sleep so I grabbed the folder with the kids stories and read through some of them again.

I came across the vampire story and skimmed it before tossing it to the ground. It was ridiculous to think a vampire could blend in with humans. I turned off the light and lay on my pillow as random thoughts ran through my head.

Edward looked like he didn't breathe most of the time. I had never seen him eat. He had an odd color of eyes and ice cold hands. He moved too quickly at times and also remained so still he looked like a statue at other times. I sat up and glanced at the paper on the floor. Edward had been in my room alone when the story folder was on my desk.

I reached down and picked up the paper from the floor and began reading it as if it was a biography of Edward's life. If any part of it was true he came to Forks for one reason…to find the girl he had loved for over twenty years.

I heard a soft noise and looked up to see Edward standing just inside the window. He moved the curtains out of the way and stepped into the open. I was too terrified to scream, and couldn't move. My fists held tightly to my comforter as I watched his methodical movements coming closer to me.

"What are you?" I asked softly.

"A victim," he responded.

I began to cry and said with what little voice I had, "Are you going to hurt some woman in town?"

His face pulled into a pained grimace and he said something that almost stopped my heart from beating. "I came looking for you, Bella."

8

I thought about screaming, but I knew it was futile. Charlie wasn't home, and if Edward was serious about what he was telling me it wouldn't do any good. I went through the mental list I usually did when Jake was threatening me. I would curl into a ball and cover my face. I would tighten my body and brace for the impact of his feet and fists.

"Bella," Edward said to interrupt my preparation. "I would never hurt you."

"I'm going crazy," I said. "Yeah, that's it. Jake has cause brain damage and I'm going crazy."

I was beginning to hyperventilate and when Edward took a step toward me and I moved against the wall for protection. I pulled my legs up and held them tightly.

"You are not crazy," he said emphatically.

I looked at the paper in my hand and glanced around the room. "Is Jasper controlling me, is that why I never met him?"

"No, Jasper has difficulty being around humans," he tried to explain.

"Why?" I demanded.

"He still craves human blood," Edward said very softly.

My grip on my legs tightened and Edward slumped his shoulders in the familiar way. I looked at the paper again and asked, "Can you read my mind?"

He shook his head back and forth very slowly.

"You kill animals?" I asked, and noticed how he angered a bit. "The blood on your jacket, was that from eating?"

"You eat their meat and I drink their blood, we are both carnivores," he pointed out.

I was too afraid to think of all the questions I wanted to ask and only one thing kept going through my mind. "If I ask you to leave, will you?" I looked at him to see if his answer was truthful.

"Yes," he said, "But I have to explain one very important detail. You can't tell anyone what you know. I'm not worried about my safety; it is Charlie and your mother I worry about."

"Are you threatening me?" I yelled loudly. It was more than I could deal with. It was one thing to threaten just me, but to insinuate my family would be hurt was too much.

"No, but there are others of our kind who would make you pay for the knowledge you shared," he said, and turned his back to me and headed to my window.

"Edward," I called out, and waited for him to turn and look at me. "Don't ever speak to me again."

He nodded sadly and jumped silently from my window sill onto the ground below. I jumped up and ran over to shut it and secure the latch. I was shaking uncontrollably and got back into my bed and pulled the covers completely over my head. It was impossible to sleep and I kept vacillating between thinking I was insane and wondering what else existed in the world I knew nothing about.

Sometime during the night I decided to call in sick the next day. I would be too tired to teach and too scared to see Edward. I heard Charlie come home and take a shower and get ready to leave again. I didn't know if he had been with Trina or working.

I poured us both a cup of coffee and sat across from him as he ate a bowl of cereal. I watched him eat for a moment and then asked, "Dad, if I told you something…shocking, would you believe me?"

He looked at me and said, "Are you going back to Jake?"

I was dumbfounded and wondered for the first time if he felt I was making up the stories of Jake's abuse. Why would he ask me such a thing?

"No," I insisted. "But what if I told you something like; I had been abducted by aliens. Would you believe me?"

"I would say you need to get out of that school and around some adult company," he said with a chuckle.

I smiled and drank my coffee down before heading back upstairs. I remained in my pajamas for most of the day. Just before lunch a car pulled up out front. I walked to the door and heard Alice walk up the stairs and stop at the door.

"I know you're standing there," she said aloud. I opened the door just a crack and refused to say anything.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"If I say no, you can't enter right? Don't you have to be invited in?"

"Oh my God," she said loudly and pushed the door open. I remained against the wall as she walked past me. She stopped and looked back at me. "Come sit down and behave like I'm a guest in your home."

"Are you going to morph into something freaky and grow fangs?" I asked.

"You watch way too much television," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I don't sleep in a coffin, or burst into flames in the sun, or burn myself by touching a cross."

I finally moved away from the wall and sat across from her in a chair. She looked totally normal except for her eyes. She was actually very beautiful and had treated me with nothing but kindness. I relaxed a bit and asked, "Why are you here?"

"Because Edward messed it up," she said, and I shook my head. "He was supposed to get to know you better before telling you about us."

"Have you killed anyone?" I asked her outright.

"No, but you're tempting me," she said angrily. "Bella, I woke up to this life in a mental hospital. I don't know how I got this way or why, but I do know I would rather live like this than locked up in a padded room."

"Tell me about your power," I insisted.

She sighed loudly and said, "I can see things, kind of like a premonition. They are things that haven't happened yet. We don't all have powers, only some of us."

"Why can't Edward read my mind?" I wasn't complaining, but I would like to know in case there was some way it could protect me from him. I still wasn't even sure I believed either one of them. Maybe this was another plot by Jake to finish me off.

"I have no idea," she said with a hint of fear. "Are you gifted in any way?"

It made me think of my horrible teacher and how he insisted I was not gifted. I shook my head but remained quiet. She continued on and told me how each of them were made. She insisted it was the goodness Carlisle had as a human that led him to live off animal blood.

"Bella, he offered Edward, Esme, Rose and Emmett a choice. They were as good as dead, but they could choose to live this way or be killed."

My eyes widened and I asked, "He would plunge a stake through their hearts?"

"Would you please forget all the myths you've heard. A stake wouldn't kill us, only hurt like hell. The only way a vampire can be killed is by ripping it apart and burning the pieces. And don't get any ideas; you could dislocate your fingers by simply slapping my face."

"So why was Edward looking for me?" I finally asked and braced myself for the answer. I was afraid it was because I was naturally weak and would be an easy prey for him.

"It is very difficult for vampires to fall in love, but once we do it is impossible to fall out of love. We all love each other like a family. I would die for Edward as much as I would die for Jasper. I'm afraid Edward has fallen in love with you."

I began to laugh, but her face remained serious. I stood from my chair and paced in front of the fireplace for a few moments before saying, "He doesn't even know me."

She remained quiet so I stopped pacing and looked at her. "What, am I supposed to date a man who takes me into the forest for a pint?"

She stood and I instantly froze. "No, you should talk to him, go to movies with him, share your love of teaching with him, you know, be a friend."

I dug deeply and found the essence of my fear and gave voice to it. "What if I fall for him?"

She smiled softly before saying, "Honey, you already have."

I watched her leave and felt my body shaking again. I would not fall in love with Edward Cullen no matter how crazy I was becoming. I already did my time with a monster and I wasn't about to do it again. If what they told me was true I had to get out of here and stay away for good.

I couldn't go to Arizona; it would be the first place they would look. I had an aunt in Florida, but we were never very close. I wondered if Alice would see where I went and if Jasper was controlling my decision on where to go. I suddenly felt trapped by the powers they possessed.

When school ended I heard a loud knock on the door and knew it was Edward. At least I had managed to dress so I wasn't in my nightgown when I opened the door. "What?" I said rudely.

"Why were you gone today?"

"Um, let me see. I found out vampires exist and came to town to find me. I think it is worth a sick day, don't you?"

"I'll leave you alone," he promised. "The kids need you."

I didn't want to have this conversation with him in the open so I stood back and let him into the house. Before he sat down I tore into him. "I am asking you to go away. I don't want you here and I will never have feelings for you. If you care for me like you profess, then leave town and never come back."

He looked absolutely stunned; obviously Alice never saw that coming. He stared at me without blinking and I felt my resolve wane a bit. Slowly his expression turned to one of pain and I had to look away. I didn't want to hurt him and Alice's words rattled around in my head…._it is impossible for a vampire to fall out of love._

"Why me, Edward?" I begged him. "You know nothing about me."

His head fell and he spoke only in a whisper which caused me to move closer to hear him. "When you were eight you arrived late to school because you pick a caterpillar up off the sidewalk and returned him to the brush."

I felt a chill run through my entire body as he continued. "When you were twelve you befriended a girl others teased and taunted. You cried the entire night before you left Arizona to come live with your father. You got your first kiss at fifteen from Eric Yorkey. You have no idea how much that one hurt," he admitted and smiled at me.

"Oh my God," I mumbled and covered my mouth with my hand.

"I know everything about you," he admitted.

I burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed by his knowledge but also by his announcement. He knew the things Jake did to me and made me do. He knew the shame I carried around and how my bravery was just an act. All the things I tried so hard to keep anyone from knowing, he already knew.

I felt his cold arms come around me and I tried to pull away, but he brought me in close and held me tightly. "Don't cry," he begged.

I could feel his own arms shaking and I didn't know if it was from fear, awkwardness, or trying to control his desire to kill me.

9

My mind was screaming for me to snap out of it and realize how crazy all of this was. I finally asked for what I truly needed. "Edward, I need you to prove to me what you're saying is true."

His arms dropped from around me and he asked, "Prove it how? I just told you…."

"No, not that you know about my life, you have to prove you're a vampire," I demanded.

He thought for a moment and then looked down at my bare feet. "Get some shoes and come with me."

I laughed a bit, because if he was truly what he said he was, I was not heading into the forest alone with him. He groaned at my reluctance and then said sternly, "Fine."

I was suddenly off my feet and into the rain. I felt like I was flying and everything swirled around me in a blur. I thought I was going to vomit but he suddenly stopped running and I realized I was being carried in his arms.

"Put me down," I demanded, and as soon as he set me on my feet the forest spun and I had to grab onto him. We were deep in the woods with nothing but darkness as the trees blocked out the sky. I was terrified and wanted to smack myself for coming up with this ridiculous plan.

Edward freed himself from my hold and walked over to pick up a large boulder. He held it high above his head and then tossed it like a pebble. It wasn't the demonstration I wanted. I felt I needed to see his attack face, with fangs and all. My brain just wouldn't accept anything unless I saw him look like a killer.

I held out my arm and said, "Bite me."

He took two steps away from me and his eyes grew panicked. "Don't say that," he insisted. "If I bite you you'll change."

"I thought I had to drink the blood back to change," I said, still locked on the myths I had heard and the televisions shows I had watched.

He shook his head and looked away from me. "I only have to bite you; contact with my venom would be enough."

"Okay, than let me see you drink animal blood," I insisted.

"I can't…hunt, with you close by. My instincts take over and I'll lose control."

I stared at his nervous reaction and finally found some inner strength to talk openly about the situation. I sat on a boulder and looked up at his handsome face. "Edward, how would anything work for us? Can you even kiss me?"

He leaned against a tree and looked so defeated. I wondered if it was what I looked like to other people. I waited for him to answer and he finally said, "To be perfectly honest, you would end up as one of us."

I felt like my chest was going to explode. Did he honestly think I would ever agree to be like him? I had plenty to live for and I wasn't about to become made of stone just to spend eternity drinking animal blood.

I felt the blood drain from my face as I asked, "Has Alice already seen it?"

He must have known what I was feeling because he tried to assure me Alice's visions were not absolute. They changed as quickly as people changed their minds. If I never decided to be with Edward, she wouldn't know what my future holds.

"I want to go home," I said, and wasn't sure which way to go.

He nodded with his head toward a remote trail and I followed as he walked slowly enough for me to keep up. We didn't speak for a long time and when he finally stopped to allow me to rest he said, "I think you should know Jake loves you very much."

"Not only are you a vampire, but a liar too," I said hatefully.

"I can read his mind. He feels badly for what he has done to you. He just doesn't know how to handle his liquor."

"Well, I don't really care. He's hit me enough that I have no love left for him at all."

His eyes grew wide and he said, "Don't misunderstand; I don't think he should be allowed to ever come near you again. I just wanted you to know he loves you."

I'm sure he thought it would make me feel better that Jake actually had feelings for me. He often professed his love after I lay bleeding on the ground. But saying it and showing it were two different things.

"This advice coming from a man who wants me to die for him," I said cynically.

"I never said that," he said harshly.

He didn't have to. If he came to Forks because he loved me and the only way we could be together was to become one of them, I was pretty much able to put it all together. The plan must have been to make me love him back and then let me know what they were. Edward messed it up by letting me know too early.

"Let's go," I said, and nodded to the trail. Edward took off in front of me and picked up the pace a bit.

Suddenly he spun around and grabbed me off my feet. I screamed and tried to fight him, but he was way too strong. He ran so fast I couldn't tell if we were going deeper into the forest or closer to my house. I heard a deep rumbling sound coming from his chest. It vibrated my body as if he was growling.

We burst from the forest and into a clearing where I could make out his house. Something ran past us and I could hear the sounds of a fight in the close distance. Edward sat me down and ran back into the forest himself.

Rosalie appeared out of nowhere and pulled me into the house. I was too confused to resist and as soon as I entered the room Esme pulled me into her arms and apologized profusely.

"What's going on?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Did you cut yourself?" Esme asked. "I smell blood."

I looked down at my body and then saw a small scrape on the palm of my hand. It had tiny beads of blood, but nothing significant. "I scraped my hand," I said in regret.

"We are usually very careful with where Jasper hunts. We didn't know Edward would take you so far into the forest," she explained.

"I made him, I wanted him to prove…you know…the vampire thing," I said stupidly.

Rosalie laughed and Esme gave her a reproachful look. She only laughed harder and said, "Only Edward would refuse to bite her."

"I don't want to be a vampire," I said loudly. "I'm not dying and I don't choose to be one of you."

Rose and Esme looked at each other as if something I said had them very worried. I was standing there with no shoes and terrified out of my mind, but they weren't doing anything to scare me. In fact, Esme was trying to comfort me.

Edward finally returned and Esme asked if everything was okay. "Yes, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," he said sadly.

"I want to go home," I said again as my eyes filled with tears. Edward nodded and held out his hand for mine.

I exposed my palm and said, "I'm bleeding, will it be a problem?"

He smiled softly and shook his head so I placed my hand in his. He held it gently and led me to his car before opening the door and helping me inside. He walked slowly to his side and got in. Before he started the engine he said, "I am so sorry, Bella."

"I asked for proof, I guess I got it," I mumbled and tried to look away from his face, but I couldn't. I felt awful for making him so upset.

I held his stare until he asked, "What if I had some disease or illness instead of my condition, would you still refuse me?"

I took a deep breath and leaned in closer to answer him. "Edward, it isn't like epilepsy or paralysis, I would have to die to be with you."

"What if I could be happy with the way things are? Just you and me talking and being together sometimes. You wouldn't have to change, Bella."

"What if you couldn't?" I asked back. He didn't answer so I tried to explain. "I tried to be the person Jake wanted and I couldn't do it. I can't be the person you want either. It won't work."

He started the engine and drove from the house. I looked at the forest and wondered what else existed out there, what other dangers were hidden in the darkness? When he pulled in front of my house Charlie wasn't home yet. I didn't get out of the car right away, but I looked at the house I knew so well and felt like a stranger in my own skin. Everything I had believed was turning upside down and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Are you coming back to school?" Edward asked.

I turned to look at him and his sadness was so evident. "Yeah," I said and smiled at him. "Not even vampires can keep me away." I got out of the car and leaned over to wave at him before heading into the house.

My feet were dirty so I took a shower and made dinner before Charlie got home. He walked in and hung up his gun before sitting at the table. He rubbed his eyes and I noticed how tired he looked.

"Anything big going on?" I asked him.

"No, things are pretty good," he said to confuse me.

"Why are you so beat, too much time with Trina?" I chuckled.

He shook his head and took a bite of his spaghetti before saying, "I guess you should know we got Jake into rehab. He wants to get clean and I think we should be supportive."

"We?" I asked in shock.

"You have to admit Bells, he was good to you until he began drinking."

"No, dad, I don't have to admit that. I hate him and I don't want to hear anything about this." I threw my napkin on the table and stormed out. I had an emotional day and now my father wanted me to be compassionate to someone who brutalized me. I was furious and hurt beyond explanation.

I grabbed my keys and left to eat at a diner in town. My hair was wet and drying into curls and I didn't have on any makeup. I was stabbing my salad with my fork when someone sat in the seat across from me. I looked up to see Edward.

"Are you following me?" I asked him.

"No, Alice said you could use a friend," he admitted truthfully. I would have preferred he lied.

"I don't need a friend, I need a fucking killer to take out Jake," I said angrily.

Edward tried not to smile, but the edges of his lips rose a bit and he placed his hand over his mouth to keep from saying what he was dying to say. I kicked out my leg under the table to connect with his shin and it felt like I kicked a brick wall.

"Ow," I cried and Edward broke into laughter. I had never heard him laugh before. He wasn't just good looking, he was incredible. It took him several attempts to finally stop laughing. I tried to continue eating and finally dropped my fork and crossed my arms

"Will you please leave?" I asked him.

He sat back and rested his arms over the back of the booth and shook his head back and forth. "I came to get you. I want to show you something."

"And if I refuse?"

He glanced at the door and then over at the waitress who was making a shake. His smile widened and he said, "I didn't give you a choice."


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

Those words would have angered me, or at least scared me, if another man said them to me. But Edward had proven over and over again he wouldn't hurt me. He said he would be happy only being my friend and I was willing to give it a shot.

"It better be worth my time," I told him with my own smirk.

He paid for my meal and we headed to the school. He pulled into the parking lot and I looked at him in confusion. I thought maybe he wanted help with his lesson plan. "I don't know anything about history," I admitted.

"It isn't work related," he said and got out of the car.

I followed behind and he opened the main door and then unlocked his room. I walked in and he headed straight to the desk and opened the drawer.

"Here," he said, and handed me the scrapbook I had seen in his room.

"I thought this was private," I said without opening it.

He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Just open it."

I sat on the top of a desk and opened the first page. "Wait," I said, "Why is this at the school?"

He sat in the chair and said, "Alice said it was a mistake for you to see it. Now that you know about us, there's no mistake."

I shrugged and looked down at the page. It was a black and white picture of a woman holding a baby. "That is my mother, Elizabeth. She is holding me," he explained.

"She is beautiful," I exclaimed. "Do you remember her?"

He shook his head sadly and I turned the page. It was a drawing of a man and woman from long ago. "Those are my parents," he said. On the following page there was a house with a recent picture of Edward standing in front of it. "That is my house in Chicago. I still hold the deed."

"When were you born?" I asked, as I turned the page.

"In 1901," he said and I gasped loudly.

I looked at him in shock and he smiled and held out his arms. "I look great for my age, don't I?"

"You're over a hundred years old," I said, stating the obvious.

"Technically I stopped aging at the age of eighteen," he said, and I suddenly worried about how I looked for my age. It wasn't the Edward of long ago I wanted to know about, it was the man standing in front of me. I put the book aside and gave him my full attention.

"When you said you rebelled, what did you mean?"

I watched as he looked around as if he regretted coming here. I knew he would tell me the truth and I braced myself to hear what he was going to tell me. It was bad when a human teenager rebelled but a vampire rebellion must be really bad.

He shook his head and let his eyes fall to the ground. "I was so angry to be…what I am. No matter what Carlisle told me I refused to be content with my circumstances. He wanted a friend and confidant. I wanted to make him regret changing me. I wanted to commit as much carnage as I could so he would be miserable." His head raised and he looked at me. "All I manage to do was ruin my own soul. I was miserable, and Carlisle welcomed me back with open arms."

"Do you ever get tempted to…you know?"

"Not really. For some reason I have the most control...maybe because I can read the minds of the victims."

"You can't read mine," I pointed out, and instantly bit my tongue. Why would I tell him something to tempt him? I blushed and heard him suck in a big gulp of air. He smiled and shook his head.

"Do you have a death wish? Stop blushing please."

"I'm not doing it on purpose," I said in my own defense.

I found it funny we were discussing my blood without any fear or pretense. I began to laugh and I couldn't stop no matter how much he told me to. I almost fell off the side of the desk and Edward was instantly at my side to keep me from falling.

I held onto his arm and stood. His own smile made me break into laughter again. He threw me over his shoulders and headed out of the school as I kicked and yelled for him to put me down. It was all in fun and I wasn't actually mad at him.

He opened his car door and finally put me on the ground. "Wow," I said as I held onto my stomach. "I haven't laughed like that since…."

"Since you peed your pants at Jessica's slumber party," he finished, and it stopped me laughing right in my tracks.

"What?" I asked.

He looked ashamed again and punched his fist into his other palm. "Yeah, I was kind of…watching."

"That was eight years ago," I said. "You just moved here."

"My family just moved here, I've been here for a long time," he admitted.

"Stalking me?"

"No, I tried Bella, I really tried to forget all about you. But I have a perfect memory and no matter where I went the sound of your voice, the smell of your body, the beauty of your face, it wouldn't fade."

I suddenly realized something. "It was you in my closet, wasn't it?"

He nodded and I realized he was responsible for my broken picture too. I wondered how often he came into my room and was a bit afraid to ask. "Do you come in my room every night?" I asked.

It took him several minutes before he would answer. "Yes," he finally said.

"Oh my God," I gasped. "I sleep in a t-shirt and underwear."

"I never touched you," he said quickly, but it wasn't what I was worried about. A bedroom is where you are free to be yourself, forgetting about manners or courtesy. I had stood in front of a mirror thrusting my chest out to make my boobs look larger. I had used my brush as a microphone and sang at the top of my lungs. And I had touched….oh God, this was awful.

I got into the car and refused to look at him again. We drove to the diner in silence and I jumped out of his car when he pulled up to mine. I drove home and kept looking in the mirror to see if he was following me. I arrived home alone.

Charlie was gone and I put on sweats to sleep in and actually changed in the closet with the light out. I got into bed and strained to listen for any evidence of Edward coming in my room. I eventually fell asleep and woke to the sound of my alarm.

I sat up and looked at my other pillow. There was no dent. I looked at my carpet for footprints, but found none. I finally got my clothes and went into the bathroom to change and get ready for work. I passed on breakfast, still upset with my father, and headed to school.

I saw Edward's car and felt my heart speed up as I got closer to my room. I went inside and saw the stack of papers on my desk to be graded. I got busy and the room filled with kids. When lunch arrived Edward came into my room and found me eating at my lunch.

"Are you going to ignore me?" he asked.

"I'm behind. I have a lot of papers to grade."

He sat on the edge of my desk and said, "I stayed away last night."

I set my pen down and looked at him angrily. "Last night I was prepared," I said.

He smiled and I had to fight hard to remain angry. Of course he didn't show up when I had on sweats and acted like a nun. Edward changed the subject and said, "I have a parent wanting to meet with me today. Do you know Mrs. Carter?"

"Alissa's mom?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Did you fail her at something, her mom only shows up if someone gives her a bad grade," I said, and really worried about Edward.

"I kicked her out of class," he informed me.

"Why?"

"She was making inappropriate comments," he said shyly, and it only helped to build my curiosity.

"Inappropriate how, give me an example," I pressed.

He stood from my desk and headed toward the door as he mumbled, "Never mind."

I jumped up and ran after him. This had to be good if he was too embarrassed to tell me. I ran in to his room and shut the door behind me. "Come on Edward, what did she say?"

"It isn't important. I have everything documented for her mother," he said and picked up a folder and held it tightly. The bell rang and I had to go back to my class, but the subject was not over. I would wait in the hallway for when she left and ask her myself.

The day moved on and when school ended I watched for when Alissa's mother arrived. I noticed she was dressed up and wearing a large amount of makeup. Her daughter must have told her how handsome Mr. Cullen was.

I tiptoed into the hallway and put my ear against the door. I heard Edward say very loudly. "Mrs. Carter, let's go to a more private area to talk."

I turned and ran back to my room and giggled as I heard Edward lead her from the room. As soon as they were down the hall I snuck across to Edward's room. I ran to his desk and looked all around for the folder he had in his hand earlier.

I pulled open his desk drawer and didn't find the folder, but I saw his scrapbook. I sat in his chair and opened it and looked at the pages again. I stared at the faces of his parents and wondered what life was like for them in the old days. Edward was obviously a combination of his mother and father. He had his dad's strong jaw and his mother's eyes. I looked at the lock of hair from his first haircut and the outline of his small hand as a boy.

It was a book about a life, not a death. Edward lived and he mattered on this earth. I realized for the first time why Carlisle did what he did. Edward deserved to keep living, if he chose to.

The door opened and Edward walked in and shook his finger at me. "Do you think I would be so dense as to leave the folder?"

I laughed and shut the scrapbook. "I can always hope," I said. "If you were a true friend you would tell me what Alissa said to be kicked out of class."

He thought for a moment and then tossed the folder across his desk to me. I opened it eagerly and read all the comments she made about Edward's body and what she wanted to do with it. I covered my mouth and laughed, causing him to grow more embarrassed.

"It is normal for girls to have crushes on teachers," I told him. I stood and pulled open his drawer and raised the scrapbook off the desk to return it to where I found it. Something fell out and onto the floor. I bent over to pick it up and saw it was a picture.

I turned it over and looked at the class picture of young kids and their teacher. One child stuck out, with her dark braids and terrified face. I looked at the teacher to see the face of Mr. Masen staring back at me. I looked up at Edward, the same face I had scratched out years ago, and felt the room begin to spin.

11

It took my mind a long time to understand what was going on. Edward knew about my life because he had been a part of it many years ago. I hadn't recognized him because I had worked so hard to forget the face that tormented me for so long. It was him; he called me stupid, told me not to open my mouth with my inferior comments. He kept me in from recess to finish my work so he could make me sit in the hallway during afternoon class. Everything horrible in my life came from this man.

I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"You're Mr. Masen," I managed to say.

"I can explain," he said quickly, but I didn't want to hear his explanations. There was no excuse in the world I would be willing to listen to.

I got up off the ground and moved away from him. I shook my head and my face contorted into one of pure disgust. He ruined my future and he wasn't even human. I reached the door and said, "If you come back to teach again I will tell everyone what you are. I never want to set eyes on you again."

"Bella, please listen to me. It wasn't what you thought," he begged.

"You are cruel and evil. It is exactly what I thought." I turned and ran from the school and got into my car to drive away. I didn't want to go home in case Mr. Masen showed up there, so I drove to First Beach and sat in the cold sand and watched the waves crash against the shore.

I had no idea how long I had been there, but I jumped when someone approached and sat next to me. I looked up to see Billy Black, Jake's father. I gave an effort at a smile and Billy put his arm around me. "Did you hear Jake's getting help?" he asked.

"Yes, a bit late," I added.

"I don't know why liquor ruins some men and calms others. It is an evil substance," he sighed.

He had no idea what evil was. Jake was evil, Edward was evil; I had been consumed by evilness to a degree Billy would never understand. "I can't forgive him," I said adamantly.

Billy nodded and looked out at the ocean. He was quiet and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I always loved Billy, even as a child when I would play with Jake during summer visits with my father. Jake was fun, loving, and kind back then. He would take me everywhere and defend me if his friends complained. It was the Jake I fell in love with.

"Bella, man evolved over thousands of years, but there is still a bit of animal inside of him. It is his ability to control that animal that makes him a good man. Jake wants to learn how to keep the beast at bay. As his father I'm going to encourage him to succeed. I'm not discounting what he did to you, but I will support his effort to change."

"I know, you're his father, you should support him," I admitted.

He gave me a gentle squeeze and then asked, "So what brought you out here?"

I was sure he would put me away with Jake if I told him a vampire who tormented me as a child was following me around because for some reason he loved me. I laughed at the thought and then said, "I'm pretending to float away with the waves."

He kissed my head and said, "Don't float too far; Charlie would be lost without you."

I nodded and then stood when he did. We walked back to my car and I offered him a ride home. He refused and walked off into the fog. I made sure my lights were on low and headed back toward Forks. I didn't see the man standing in the middle of the road until the very last moment. I slammed on my brakes and stopped seconds before hitting him.

I knew who he was, but never saw him before. He had long blonde curls and a chiseled face, his full lips formed a perfect mouth, and his odd eyes were those of a vampire.

"Hello Jasper," I said softly. He smiled and nodded at me. "Are you here to kill me?"

"No," he said, loud enough for me to hear inside my car. "You wouldn't listen to Edward. I have a feeling you will listen to me."

I pushed on the accelerator causing the engine to roar as a threat, but he only laughed.

"Go ahead," he challenged. I began to raise my foot off the break and he jumped effortlessly onto the hood of my car and stared directly into my eyes. "But I wouldn't advise it," he added.

"Okay, I'm listening," I conceded.

He didn't offer to get inside of the car and I wondered if it was for my own safety. He spoke through the glass and told me to pull off the road. I pulled over and turned off the engine. He said cross legged on the hood and spoke calmly.

"We all have a favorite food," he began. "Just the smell can fill our mouths with venom. Emmett's is bear," he said with a chuckle, "Mine is deer."

I had no idea what this had to do with anything but I nodded as if I understood. "Edward's was mountain lion," he added.

"Was?" I asked.

"Yes, until one day a little girl walked into his class and it took all the control he possessed not to kill her. The blood in her veins called to him, taunted him, drove him insane with thirst, yet he managed to leave her alive that day."

My voice was gone and I whispered, "Me?"

Jasper nodded and continued on. "He was determined not to kill her, but he couldn't be around her all the time. He tried to get her to leave the school, desperate to save her life in any manner he could. When she finally left he could imagine with absolutely perfect recall the fragrance of her blood. No matter where he went it brought him back to her house, for just a smell of the delicious nectar."

His glazed eyes suddenly focused and he looked directly into mine again. "I don't have the same reaction to you, so relax."

"Good," I managed to mouth.

"The more he learned about you the more he loved you. He protected you often, in ways you never knew. Jake would have killed you, if not for Edward."

I let my head fall in shame. I didn't feel grateful, I felt humiliated at how much they all knew about me. I had taken many blows from Jake, and where was Edward then? I was becoming distracted and Jasper spoke again to gain my attention.

"I just want you to know if it was any other vampire your blood sang to, you would be dead. Maybe it makes his actions back then less despicable."

In an instant he was gone. I looked around but the fog was growing thick so I started the car and drove home. I came inside and Charlie looked up from the game he was watching. I nodded but couldn't find it in me to smile. Everything in my life was confusing now, and I wasn't sure what to think of it.

He patted the spot next to him and I walked over and sat down. He took hold of my hands and said, "Bella, I know how hard it is to forgive someone. I've had a very lonely life because I couldn't forgive. Don't inherit my stubbornness."

He had no idea what he was asking of me. It was more than forgiveness, it was learning an entire new way of thinking. I didn't have a clue where to start. I gave him a quick kiss and went up to my room. I got onto my bed and held my pillow tightly as I cried.

Maybe everything in my life would have been different if Edward told me to go back to public school because it would save my life. I would have grown up confident and willing to excel instead of hiding in the darkness and trying to go unnoticed.

I heard my father go to bed and soon his snoring came softly through the walls. I had my eyes opened or I would have missed Edward's entrance into my room. I didn't hear a sound. He stared into my eyes and I didn't move. I was too emotionally worn out to move.

"Alice sent me," he explained in just a whisper.

"Maybe she should explain things to me first," I suggested, growing tired of their powers being used on me.

"Tell me what you need to hear from me," he said shamefully.

I thought for a moment and then took a deep breath. "I need to hear you are a figment of my imagination. I need to hear you don't exist in this world. And I need to hear you are going away forever."

He looked back at the window and then over at me again. "Well," he said, "Unfortunately I do exist, but I can manage the other two. Goodbye, Bella."

In an instant he was gone, just like Jasper. I rolled over and closed my eyes as I tried desperately to get some sleep before work the next day.

Edward wasn't at school and another sub took his place. The girls were disappointed, but the boys were glad he was gone. He demanded a lot out of them and challenged them in a way Mr. Barr never did. I expected to see Alice or Rosalie show up at my door, begging me to give Edward a chance. But time moved on and they never appeared. I thought about going to their home to see if they were still around, but I decided to leave it alone. I asked him to go away and he did.

I didn't return to my self-help group either. I wasn't sure what I needed help with anymore. I hadn't been weak; I was manipulated by otherworldly creatures. I doubt there is a group for that.

I woke up on a Saturday morning and decided to go into Port Angeles to do some shopping. I needed a fresh wardrobe with spring on the way. I was loaded down with bags covering my face when a man stepped forward and said, "Here Miss, let me help you with those."

He took a bag and I was able to see his face. It was Jake. I tried to grab the bag back but ended up dropping them all onto the pavement of the parking lot. He quickly moved to gather them up and I stared at him in anger.

"I didn't know it was you," he said in apology.

"Of course not. You wouldn't have offered to help me," I said with revulsion.

He waited for me to open my trunk and he placed the bags inside. I slammed it forcefully and he took a step away from me. "Bella, I'm sorry," he said.

"Go to hell," I replied, and got in my car to drive away.

He rushed over to the window and placed his hands on the car door. "Bella, listen. What I did to you was reprehensible. It wasn't me, you know. I don't know what happened to me but I'm not that person anymore. I would never hurt you. I loved you very much."

"Yeah, you told me that often," I said hatefully, "Usually when you thought the cops would show up."

"No, it only happened when something stirred inside of me. I tried to keep it down with liquor, but it wouldn't be suppressed. I don't feel it now, Bella. I conquered it."

"Jake, I can't go back to you. I'm too afraid of you now," I said honestly.

"I know, and I'm not asking you to come back. I'm only asking for you to be my friend again. I'll be a great friend to you, Bella, I swear."

I had to admit this was a new side of Jake I hadn't seen in years. I missed the boy who laughed with me and was up for any adventure. I knew things wouldn't go back to how they were because we were adults now, but peacefully coexisting with Jake sounded like progress. I finally nodded and drove away.

12

It had been four months since Edward left and Jake became my friend again. School was coming to a close and I was looking forward to a wonderful summer to relax and look into finding my own place. I had saved enough for a down payment and found the opportunity to own my own home liberating.

Jake was helping me look and he picked me up early to go see a potential place. I walked out of the house in a t-shirt and skirt and he laughed at me. "You look like a kid, not someone purchasing a house."

"I look fashionable," I corrected. "And if they don't think I can afford it they might negotiate on the price."

"You're dreaming," he laughed.

I got into his truck and we drove to the other side of town. I hated being so far from my father, but I was certain he was very ready for me to leave. I got out and looked at the house. It had character, even though it was old. The kitchen had been recently updated, but the entire house needed to be painted on the inside.

"I'll paint it for you," Jake offered.

"How much?" I asked.

He shook his head adamantly and said, "I owe you this, Bella."

I wasn't about to refuse, he did owe me, and this was a great start. I put in an offer on the house and by the time school ended it was all mine. Jake was doing a great job with the painting and I usually made him dinner before he left for the day. We had nothing romantic going on, but we were comfortable with each other.

He was eating a bowl of my chili when he suddenly furrowed his brow and leaned his head from side to side to crack his neck. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I feel….trapped," he said.

"Trapped? What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I feel irritable and…" he suddenly jumped up from his chair and yelled at me, "Stop looking at me like that."

I felt the familiar fear and asked, "Jake, have you been drinking?"

He grabbed his head and yelled even louder, "Shut up, you bitch. You have no idea how hard I work to prove myself to you. It is never enough, because you are heartless."

I reached out for the butter knife on the table and said very calmly, "Jake, get out of here, now."

He picked up the chair he had been sitting on and threw it across the room before storming out of the house. I ran from my chair and locked the door behind him and then made my way to each window and made sure they were locked, too. I was shaking hysterically and picked up the phone to call my father.

He answered and I quickly asked him where he was. "I'm at the Cullens, they're back in town," he told me.

"Edward's here?" I gasped.

"No, just the Doctor and his wife," he informed me. "What do you need, Bells?"

"Jake freaked out tonight, I think he's drinking again," I said with a shaky voice.

Charlie sighed and cursed a bit under his breath. "I'll let Billy know," he said.

"Dad, come by when you can. I'm a bit scared," I begged him.

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

I hung up and turned off the lights before I looked out a window. I didn't see Jake's truck anywhere and hoped he headed right home. I even considered sleeping at my dad's place tonight, in case Jake came back looking for me.

Half an hour later my father arrived in his squad car. I told him what had happened and how Jake's rage seemed to come out of the blue. He stayed until I was ready to turn in and I assured him I would be okay. I kept my phone in my bed just in case I heard Jake's truck return.

I was sound asleep when I felt an ice cold hand cover my mouth. My eyes flew open and I stared up at Alice. "I'm not going to hurt you," she promised. "I just came to visit."

When she finally let go of my mouth I moved away from her in the bed. "You should have knocked if it is a social call," I said angrily.

"Well, I kind of need a favor," she said, and I knew there was a hook.

"You could have called to hear me say no, it would have saved you from breaking and entering."

She giggled and said, "I'm a vampire Bella, do you think the laws worry me?"

I realized I had nothing I could use to threaten her so I stopped with the posturing. I found it odd she would need something from me, so I sat up fully and waited for her request.

"Edward is a mess," she began, "And I need you to see him."

I laughed audaciously and shook my head. "I didn't realize vampires could be insane." My remark angered her and I remembered she had been in a mental hospital as a human. I quickly apologized and told her I had no intentions of seeing Edward, no matter how messed up he was.

"You don't understand, Bella. Edward never adjusted to this life. He's ready to end it now. He wants to be killed."

She had my full attention. No matter how awful Mr. Masen had been to me I didn't want to see him killed. He had lived for over a hundred years; surely he could find something to live for besides me.

"Alice, I can't do anything to stop him. If he has no will to live, what can I do?"

"You can talk to him, tell him you forgive him and you'll be his friend," she pleaded. "I told you I love Edward enough to die for him. You have no idea what it will do to our family if he gets himself killed."

I saw she looked like she was about to cry and I worried she was going to drag me out of my house if I refused.

"Exactly how would he go about getting himself killed? I asked.

She darted her eyes around the room and then said, "It is better if you don't know."

I sighed, growing tired of her vagueness. "So I just have to go to your house and tell him I'll be devastated if he goes to hell?"

I was struggling with my memories as a child, no matter how much his cruelty was to save me. I realized Alice didn't answer so I knew it was more detailed than I thought. "What exactly are you asking me to do?"

She smiled slightly and said, "Can you go somewhere for a bit?"

"Where?" I demanded.

"To a gorgeous cabin," she said, still being purposefully vague.

"A gorgeous cabin where?" I pressed.

"Um…Alaska," she mumbled, barely audible.

"Alaska!" I exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"You're not teaching right now, and think of it as a vacation," she begged, thinking her offer would be somehow considered a holiday.

"You really are insane," I said, taking a swipe at her past.

Alice was little, but she was still a vampire and it wasn't smart to anger her. She tightened her jaw and narrowed her eyes as she seethed at me. I felt my bravery begin to fail and I got nervous. She took a deep breath and said, "I didn't want to do this."

"Do what?" I asked.

It was the last thing I remembered until I awoke in a car with darkened windows. Alice was driving fast on a remote dirt road, taking the turns expertly as if she knew the road well. I sat up and looked around for my purse or my phone. Alice ignored me so I finally had to address her first.

"This is kidnapping," I said, and tried to sound threatening.

"No it's not, you left a note for your father, in your perfect handwriting," she said, and then giggled.

"Obviously you know what is going to happen, so why don't you tell me so I'll be able to end this quickly," I groaned.

She smiled right at me and then shook her head, like it would be better not to spoil the surprise. I was too angry to beg her for anything else, so I decided to retaliate by not speaking. I folded my arms and stared out the window as the car flew through the forest.

I wondered what she would do when the car needed gas. Surely we would head to a town soon. I was planning my escape when Alice looked over at me and said, "It won't work. I'm not headed to a town."

I forgot about her power and I forced myself to imagine pulling her limbs off and setting her on fire. She began laughing so hard I worried about the car staying on the road. I wondered if the car has special powers too, since we weren't headed for a town.

When we grew low on gas Alice pulled over and got a large can from the trunk and filled the tank. I was so angry and tried to keep my thoughts generic and not on my hatred for Edward at the moment.

It was dark and I was sleeping with my head against the window when we pulled in front of a gorgeous home in the middle of nowhere. It sat on the edge of a crevasse, looking down on a river. A huge forest began a few miles from the back of the house and rose high into the air on snow covered mountains.

I got out of the car, needing to pee desperately, and Alice spun off, leaving me stranded.

"Hey," I yelled and ran after her for a few yards. The door to the house opened and Edward stared at me in shock. I could tell by his expression he was not expecting me and it made me feel a bit better.

I walked back toward the house and stated, "I've been kidnapped."

He held up his hand to stop me from advancing and said quickly. "I need to hunt, wait a minute and then come in and make yourself comfortable. "

He shut the door and apparently exited out the back and ran to the forest. I walked into the home to find it decorated as a comfortable stylish cabin. A huge fireplace took up an entire wall and the place was filled with books. I gave myself a tour and used the bathroom. It had a big claw foot tub so I filled it with hot water and took a bath.

I found a closet filled with clothes and luckily they were my size, so I put on fresh clothing and wished Edward would return to make a fire. I got a blanket and curled up on a chair to wait for him. I was trying to come up with the right words to inspire him to give up on his plan to die, but not give him false hope that something could work between us.

I gave Jake another chance and it ended up going south again. I wasn't about to let Mr. Masen hurt me a second time. If nothing else, I was learning from my mistakes, so exactly how did that make me stupid? I groaned and forced myself to stop the downward spiral I was getting myself into.

I eventually fell asleep and when I felt a cold finger run along my cheek I jumped and opened my eyes. I saw Edward standing in front of a large roaring fire with wet hair and a towel hanging over his shoulders.


	5. Chapter 13 thru 15

13

Edward looked nervous as I sat up and tightened the blanket around my body. He moved away from me and into the small kitchen area. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

I was actually very hungry; I didn't think he would have food in the house. I nodded and he opened some cabinets and called out some options.

"I'll take the Pop Tarts," I said, and he got the box from the cupboard and handed me the entire thing.

I opened a bag and ate one before saying anything more. Edward came back into the room and sat in a chair next to the fire. I finally looked directly at him and said, "Jasper explained to me, but it doesn't make all the comments disappear. You messed me up by taking away my confidence."

"It wasn't my intention," he said sadly.

"You should have been the one to leave, not me," I said with force.

"I see that now," he mumbled.

I shook my head at how much he had affected me and how little of an apology he was offering. I began eating the second Pop Tart and he watched me as if it fascinated him. I held up a piece and asked if he wanted some. He smiled and shook his head.

I ate the last of it and then wiped my hands on my pants before taking a deep breath and jumping right into it. "You don't seriously want to die, do you?"

"Eternity is a long time when you're alone," he said, with his familiar broken posture.

"It is also a long time to find someone, why give up so easily?"

"I was eighteen when I was changed. I had never dated a girl or even had my first kiss. I'm not interested in women….like me."

He didn't blush, but I could tell his admission embarrassed him. It gave me strength so I asked something difficult. "Have you had your first kiss over the past one hundred years?"

He looked down at the floor and shook his head back and forth. I got off the couch and knelt down in front of him, taking his hands in mine. "Edward, you don't love me, you are only infatuated because of inexperience."

His eyes returned to mine and he looked at me with such intensity it made my heart begin to pound. In all the years I had known Jake he never once looked at me like that. He finally said very softly, "You are so wrong."

"Then you need to explain this to me," I prompted him, "Because I don't understand."

He kept hold of my hands and stood to takes us back to the sofa. He sat next to me and turned his body to face mine. I did the same and we both stared at each other for a moment. He cleared his throat unnecessarily and said, "I've never been tempted to drink blood by someone's scent alone. When I was rebelling I would chose evil, vile people to kill. I didn't want to be a killer of innocent people; I just wanted Carlisle to think I was. I actually felt superior to Emmett because he struggled with control and I didn't. But then you walked into my classroom. The scent of your blood drove me crazy with desire."

I scrunched up my nose because his declaration of a six year old grossed me out a bit. He gave me a gentle push with his hand and said, "Not sexually."

"Good, because that is just too nasty to contemplate," I chuckled.

"I had to get rid of you," he continued. "But even after you left I was obsessed with your scent. I followed you, constantly wrestling with myself over my desire to kill you. There were days I was certain to do it, but something in your actions or conversations would always stop me. You were so loving and giving, it touched me in a way I never thought possible for my kind."

"I was never aware of you," I confessed. "You became my nightmare and I blocked out your face entirely."

"I didn't understand what was happening until Alice stopped me from killing Jake one time. She explained that I had fallen in love." His eyes left mine and he mumbled, "She mistakenly thought you would understand."

"Edward, I'm sorry, but my life has made me afraid to take chances. You're a chance I'm not willing to take. But if you feel anything for me at all, don't kill yourself. It would only damage me further."

He sat silently and finally smiled and said, "Why don't you get some sleep and I'll take you to town and put you on a bus in the morning."

"And you'll be okay?" I asked, and bent over to look into his eyes.

"I'll be fine," he said, in a less than convincing manner.

I pulled the cover back over me and leaned back so my head was resting on the arm of the sofa. Edward scooted to the end of the couch and set my feet on his lap. His gentle rubbing had me out in mere moments.

The sun was just beginning to rise when the sound of a loud alarm rang in the distance. I opened my eyes and Edward jumped up and ran to a window. "Damn it," he exclaimed and ran out of the house.

I had to untangle myself from the blanket and then ran after him. He was one hundred yards away, staring down at the deep divide the river had carved out. I ran up to join him and saw a rush of water destroying everything in its path.

"What happened?" I asked.

"The dam broke. I'm afraid the road is washed out and you're stuck here."

"What?" I gasped, and spun around to find any way over the huge crack in the earth.

Edward let his head fall back and he screamed into the air, "ALICE!" The sound echoed all around me and I had to cover my ears.

"Alice did this?" I asked him.

"Yes, and she stocked the place with food and clothing for you. I should have figured it out," he said sadly.

I realized he must have thought I was coming to tell him I loved him too, or he was at least hoping it was why I was coming. I was embarrassed and feeling awful, but it didn't damper my anger at Alice. I had half a thought of becoming a vampire just so I could rip her to pieces.

"Can you carry me somewhere?" I asked and looked around the wilderness again.

"I'm about a week away from anywhere. Can you go a week without food and water?"

I gave it some thought, because at the moment I was pretty tempted to try. But he interrupted me and said, "The County should come see about the road and they'll have a way to get you across."

"Okay," I said and turned to go back into the house. With Edward's hearing we wouldn't have to keep watch for when help would come. He started another fire thinking I would be cold, and I looked in the kitchen for something to make for breakfast. I was starving and ready to pig out, so I made pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

I had a loaded plate when Edward came up to the breakfast bar to watch me eat. I had a full bite of pancake when I said, "If you watch me, I get to watch you."

"I told you I would lose control," he said as a warning. I took a couple of more bites and he finally said, "Do you always eat this much?"

"Haven't you ever filled up on one too many mountain lions?"

The look on Edward's face was priceless. He looked shocked, and then embarrassed, and finally he nodded in agreement. I looked around the room and waved my fork in the air. "Who owns this place?"

"The Denali's, our cousins," he answered.

"Your cousins are Vampires?" I asked.

He laughed and said, "Not real cousins."

"So let me see if I understand. You have parents, but not your real parents. You have siblings, but not real brothers and sisters. You have cousins, but not real cousins."

"Exactly," he said, with a wide grin that made him look so beautiful. "The Denali's live off of animal blood like we do. Eleazer and Carmen take care of Irina, Tanya and Kate."

"All girls?" I asked.

He nodded and wouldn't look at me so I pressed him for more information. "Are the girls pretty?"

"I guess," he said oddly.

"You have eye's Edward, are they pretty?" I asked again.

"Yes, they're pretty," he answered with frustration, and then added, "But not as pretty as you are."

I chuckled and took my plate over to the sink. "You're biased because of my sweet ass scent," I teased.

"No, that's not true," he corrected and tried to convince me emphatically, "You have such natural beauty that any man would be attracted to."

I laughed as I washed my plate and said in jest, "You're just trying to get me to kiss you so you don't have virgin lips anymore."

I finished with my plate and turned to get the frying pan when I glanced at Edward. He was sitting perfectly still with his head lowered and his shoulders slumped. I felt awful for teasing him and I walked over to the counter and put my hand on top of his.

"I'm just teasing," I said in remorse.

He shook his head and kept his gaze lowered as he said, "I hate that he touched you. He didn't deserve your love."

I knew he was talking about Jake and I felt so exposed. I didn't know what to say so I finally leaned forward and kissed his cold, hard cheek. He closed his eyes and I pulled back to look at his face. I leaned in again and kissed his cheek closer to his mouth.

I heard a growling sound rumble in his chest and I backed off until it calmed. He slowly opened his eyes to look at me. I smiled and he let his eyes fall to the counter top. "I would kiss you if you asked me," I told him.

"I'm not sure I can," he answered.

"It's easy, you just pucker your lips and go with the flow," I told him, wondering why I was so brave when this had tragedy written all over it.

"I know how to kiss, I'm just not sure I could control myself," he explained.

I tried to figure out if he meant he couldn't control the vampire inside of him or the man. My hands were still lying on his and he raised his fingers to tangle them with mine. I moved very slowly toward his mouth and he watched me with a hint of fear on his face.

I was less than an inch from his face when he said, "Bella, are you going to kiss me?"

"I'm thinking about it," I said, and stared directly at his mouth.

"You have to be careful not to touch my teeth," he said with a shaky voice.

"Okay," I answered and let my lips barely touch his. I brushed across his mouth with a feathery touch and he never moved. I was certain he wasn't breathing and I finally moved away to make sure he was okay. His hand rose and he ran his fingers across his own lips as his eyes remained closed.

I finally asked, "Edward, is something wrong?"

His eyes opened slowly and he stared at me for a moment. He finally stood and walked to the back door. "Are you leaving?" I asked.

He nodded and said, "Someone will be by in the next day or two. You'll be fine."

And he was instantly gone.

14

He left me. He let me kiss him and then he left me in the middle of God forsaken Alaska. I ran out the back door and couldn't see a trace of him anywhere. I went back inside and looked through the clothes Alice left for me. I found a coat and boots and put them on before heading out to find Edward.

I was a bit worried about a bear or some wild animal, but I was too pissed to think clearly. He stayed when he should have left, and he left when he should have stayed. Edward Cullen was not capable of making the right decision.

I stomped indignantly toward the thick trees and called out to Edward every few minutes. I walked a few miles into the forest and finally stopped before I grew too tired to return. I sat on a fallen tree and yelled over and over again for Edward. He never answered or came to save me. I decided to head back to the house and just as I got to the clearing a woman stepped out from the trees.

I came to a sudden stop and my heart almost exploded in my chest. She was beautiful, with long strawberry blonde hair, and the same odd eyes I knew only vampires had. "I'm looking for Edward," I said, trying to explain my presence alone in the forest.

"He's miles away," the woman said with a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, well, I'll wait for him at the house," I said, hoping she would move out of my way.

"My house?" she asked, and glanced behind her at the big home.

"Oh, you must be one of his cousins," I said, grateful she lived off animal blood.

She laughed and leaned a bit from the waist toward me and said, "We're not really cousins."

I nodded, so she would know I understood. She folded her arms and stared at me with a hint of disgust before saying, "You know too much."

I swallowed deeply and looked around for anything I could use to defend myself. I knew deep down it was useless, but I had to try. "I'm Tanya," she said and took a step toward me.

"Yes, I know," I said, trying to sound confident. "I came because Alice made me. Edward wanted to…well, he was depressed."

Tanya laughed loudly and took another step toward me. "Edward is always depressed. I'll take care of him now, you are no longer needed."

I pointed to the house and said, "The road is washed out, I can't leave."

"I didn't mean for you to leave," she smiled.

"I thought you drink animal blood," I said to remind her, and hopefully keep her from killing me.

She looked me up and down and then let her finger run down her tongue provocatively. It sent chills down my spine when she said, "We all cheat on our diets once in a while. Don't we sweetheart?"

Something inside of me snapped. I wasn't going to cower in fear as I waited for her to attack. I had done that too many times with Jake. I picked up a rock and straddled my legs to balance myself. I yelled loudly at her, "If you want a fight, I'll give you one."

She crouched down and let her lips pull back from her teeth as she growled loudly. I raised my hand with the rock and waited for her to leap onto me. In a blur of color someone knocked me to the ground. I hadn't even seen her move.

I could hear a deep roar and looked around to see Edward fighting with Tanya. I scurried back to a tree and held on as chaos went on around me. I could hear her laugh as he tossed her easily back from me.

"I wasn't going to hurt her," she said with humor, but Edward just growled louder.

I wanted to run away from what I was witnessing. I wanted to be in my own little home where nothing supernatural existed. I began to cry and it caught Edward's attention. He finally moved away from Tanya and came over to where I was wrapped around the tree.

"Nobody's going to hurt you," he said softly.

"Everybody hurts me," I screamed at him. "My father lived states away, my mother left me for a young guy, my teacher convinced me I was nothing, and then Jake beat me constantly. Everybody hurts me." I glared up at him and then yelled louder, "And now you're going to kill yourself."

Edward exploded with his own pent up anger. He screamed down at me, "I'm already dead. I have no life to continue on with. I'm a thing, a despicable monster that is worthless."

I jumped up, no longer afraid of anything. I got right into his face and yelled, "You're a coward. You had to push down a little girl because of your own fears, and when I turned you away you ran off to kill yourself. I kissed you and you left. You are a coward, Edward."

"Me," he screamed. "You let him slobber all over you after hurting you time and time again. Who is the coward, Bella?"

My hand shot out and slapped him across the face. It didn't merely sting, it hurt like hell. I cried out and grabbed my hand in pain. He came to his senses and reached out to check my hand. I tried to pull it away but he was too strong. "Nothing's broken," he informed me.

"I should have let Tanya kick your ass," I said hatefully.

He smiled and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. Tanya was never even close to kicking his ass, and she surely wasn't fighting him to please me. I looked around and didn't see her anywhere. I looked back at Edward and said, "You're not a thing."

"But I am a coward. I left when you kissed me," he admitted.

"Why, I mean, was it that awful?"

I had to admit my ego was hurt a bit and it most likely fueled my anger. I never had a man complain about my kisses, but this guy ran off as fast as he could.

"Just the opposite," he said softly. "It was incredible, and the thought of never experiencing it again was too much."

I smiled at him and reached out to punch his arm. He pretended to be hurt and it made me laugh. I glanced at the house and said, "I'm wasted, will you carry me?"

He turned his back to me and said, "Sure, jump on."

I put my hands on his shoulders and jumped up. He caught my legs and began walking slowly toward the house. I bucked back and forth and said, "Are your feet stuck in molasses?

"Shut your mouth and enjoy the ride," he said, so I tightened my arms around his neck and let my head rest against his head. He continued the slow steady pace so I closed my eyes and let my body relax against him.

When we got to the house I made a bath and took a long soak. I put on a thermal shirt and a pair of flannel boxers to wear for bed. When I finally emerged from the room the house was dark except for a light coming from under the door of Edward's room. I walked over and knocked softly before opening the door.

He was sitting at a desk reading a book so I came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you sleeping in here?" I asked him

"I don't sleep," he informed me.

My eyes grew wide and I exclaimed, "Never, not even in a coffin?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, I'm physically incapable of sleeping."

"But you have a bed," I pointed out, talking about his room at home.

"I read in it, or lay on it to think, but I don't sleep."

I glanced around the room and then said, "If you're going to read, can I sleep in here. I'm afraid Tanya will come back."

He tapped his head and said, "If she gets within ten miles I'll know about it."

"You can only hear people's minds within a ten mile radius?" I asked.

He laughed loudly and shook his head, "I was generalizing."

I moved to pull down the blanket on the bed and climbed underneath them before turning to smile at him. "Do you mind?" I asked.

"No," he smiled. "I don't mind."

I glanced at the pillow next to me and said, "I wouldn't mind if you read in the bed."

He hesitated and then stood, bringing his book with him to lie awkwardly on top of the covers. I got up and crawled down to remove his shoes and socks. His feet were ice cold and his skin was pure white. I glanced at his book to see it was a language manual for Mandarin Chinese.

"What are you reading?" I asked him.

"I'm thinking about going to China. I've never been there."

I was happy to hear he was making plans for his future. People who make plans usually don't want to die. I moved back to lie next to him and asked, "Have you ever been to Iceland?"

"Yes," he said, and moved a little to face me. "The thermal ponds are amazing."

"I always wanted to go to Iceland. I've never been east of the Rockies," I admitted.

Edward smiled and reached out to cup my jaw with his hand. "The world isn't that exciting if you don't have anyone to share it with. I would love to show you all the things I've seen."

I stared into his eyes, knowing full well what he was saying. I would be tempted to travel the world with him, but I would have to die to do it. I placed my hand on his and turned just enough to kiss his palm. "I only have summers off, and I spend most of it psyching myself up for the next school year."

I tried to play off his offer, pretending it was my work schedule which wouldn't allow it, but he knew what I was thinking. "Bella, I would never, ever change you. I wouldn't wish this life onto you."

"Edward, why aren't you attracted to Tanya, wouldn't it make things so much easier for you?"

He turned fully onto his back and folded his arms behind his head. "I don't know," he said softly. "Carlisle made Rosalie hoping she would be my mate, but I couldn't find any feeling for her beyond that of family. Tanya doesn't understand the generation I came from and her actions sicken me."

"She's too forward?" I asked, just to clarify.

"No, she's too…temporary. My father fell in love once. I hoped to do the same," he admitted.

Alice's words rang in my ears one more time and I looked at Edward and wondered if he would ever move past his feelings for me. I hoped China would hold new adventures and new possibilities for him. I scooted closer and snuggled up to his side before saying, "You'll find what you are looking for Edward, I know you will."

He let his hands move from behind his head and wrapped me tightly, holding me to his chest. "I hope so," he whispered.

I dreamed of swimming in the surf with Jake. We were young and best friends. He was laughing and listening to every word I uttered. Suddenly I noticed Edward on the edge of the forest. I stood in the surf up to my knees and called out to Edward. I heard a noise behind me and turned just in time to see Jake's fist come flying at me.

15

I ducked my head and screamed to keep from feeling the pain I expected. Edward shook me lightly and spoke to me in soft reassuring words until I was fully awake. I looked up to see Edward still holding me in his arms. I smiled and sat up.

"You had a nightmare," he said.

"Yeah, sorry," I said and rubbed my eyes. I took a deep breath and moved to my own pillow and lay back down. He turned to face me and smiled. I held out my hand and he took it gratefully. "You don't have to stay in here the whole night," I told him.

"There's no place else I'd rather be," he said kindly.

I chuckled and whispered, "You are such a liar."

He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. I watched him carefully and finally asked, "If I come closer and kiss you, are you going to run away?"

He opened his mouth but struggled with how to say what he wanted to say. I began to scoot over to him and he finally said, "If I feel like I'm losing control, I'll leave."

"Okay," I said and put my hand in his hair to pull his mouth to mine. I kissed his softly without much movement until his hand moved to my back and pulled my body to his.

Our kisses became frantic and when I opened my mouth a bit too much he instantly murmured, "Un uh." It was like letting water run from a drinking fountain without actually taking a sip. It was frustrating and driving me crazy.

I rolled onto him, but he quickly deposited me right back to my place on the mattress. I moved away from him and sat up. "What's wrong now?" I asked.

"I'm trying to be respectful," he explained, and I laughed at his reasoning.

I looked at him and decided to be blunt. "So, as a vampire, can you get a….you know."

"A what?" he asked innocently. It would actually be helpful if he could read my mind at the moment.

"Is your body….still normal?" He looked at himself and then back at me, so I had to be much blunter. "Do you get erections?" I asked, and then let my eyes fall to the blanket so I wouldn't have to see his reaction.

He suddenly rolled onto me, settling comfortably between my legs. I let them rise and wrap around his waist as I laughed along with him. "I would say that's a yes," I laughed.

"We're not eunuchs," he said proudly.

I gave him a few quick kisses and then said, "Why don't you show me what you are then."

He became serious and kissed me with a whole new feeling. The heat was building quickly until he said into my neck. "You'll never leave me, right?"

My body slowly cooled and I let my hands fall to the bed causing him to raise his head and look at me. He looked scared and hurt, but I couldn't lie to him. He didn't deserve deception. "Edward, I'm not your forever girl, I swear I'm not."

"I want you to be," he challenged.

"How? I don't want to be a vampire. I'm going to age and grow old and die." I thought it was a simple issue of convincing him not to love me. I mean, I would be an old woman with wrinkles, he wouldn't want that.

He put his forehead against mine and I felt the coldness of his flesh against my heated skin. He smiled down at me and said, "Marry me."

I was now convinced vampires were insane. It was one thing to profess love for me but to marry me was downright crazy. I laughed but he didn't. He stared directly into my eyes and said it again. "Marry me."

"Edward, stop," I pleaded. "You can't get married, you're not even human."

"Carlisle and Esme are married, so are Rosalie and Emmett, and Alice and Jasper."

"Exactly, now name one human married to a vampire," I challenged him.

"Edward and Bella," he said quickly.

I shook my head and he only smiled wider. I finally had to make him see the battle he had before him. "Edward, I did the marriage thing. I don't want to be in that situation ever again."

He misunderstood and thought my only objection to him was the official ceremony. He nodded like he got it but then said, "In my day you would only have sex with your fiancé or spouse."

I laughed loudly and then said, "Well, in my day you stop having sex once your married,"

We were wrapped in each other's arms and both wanting different things. I was willing to sleep with a vampire, just not marry one or become one. He was willing to promise me forever….and ever, but not simply have sex with me. It was obvious we were not meant for each other.

"I guess this won't work," I said softly.

He rolled off of me and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat up and scooted next to him so I could see his face. "I'm willing to let you remain human. I'll love you until the day you die," he said sadly. "But you aren't willing to give anything back."

"I'm willing to give you whatever time we have right now. A day or two," I informed him. "But I can't offer anything past that."

His face was so tortured as he looked at me with such confusion. He wanted what I had to offer but he wasn't sure he could walk away with so little. I was terrified of becoming attached to him and only willing to offer a day. I knew it would follow me and he would be so hard to forget, but I couldn't commit to him, I just couldn't.

I moved onto his lap and put my arms around his neck. "Edward, I don't believe in forever."

He looked at my mouth as I spoke and I saw his eyes become determined just as he pulled me back onto the bed with him. I assume he was trying to change my mind and willing to do anything he could to manage it. His hands moved expertly and my clothing ripped off in strips.

He was trying to be very careful as I moved as roughly as I wanted, never being cautious with how I touched him. When I began removing his clothing he moved my hands to stop me. "I'm not sure about the venom. You can't come in direct contact with…me," he said with embarrassment.

I wasn't going to complain, my body would scream at me if I stopped for a conversation right now. I was willing to go along with whatever he was capable of doing. He was so tender and I slowly gave over my entire will to him. I lay with my hands over my head and let him do whatever he pleased. When I called out to him in passion he kissed me fervently until I calmed enough to kiss him back in the same manner.

"You are so beautiful," he said into my hair.

"That was amazing," I admitted.

He rose up and looked at me as he said, "I love you, Bella."

I couldn't say it back, and not because he was a vampire, but because I didn't trust him as a man. I was impressed by his performance since he was so innocent and just today had his first kiss. I'm sure he knew what to do since he had access to other people's thoughts.

"When are you going to China?" I asked, as I ran my fingertip lightly over his bottom lip.

He looked confused and then pulled back so I couldn't touch him. He stared at me as if I said something offensive. "China?" he asked.

"You said…."

"You're joking, right?" he asked, and got off of the bed entirely.

"I guess we shouldn't talk about that," I said remorsefully, "We should just concentrate on the time we have."

I hated that he was upset with me after what we just experienced. I wanted to reciprocate in some way, to let him feel the joy of physical pleasure, but it was quickly falling apart. I held out my arms for him but he didn't come toward me, he moved closer to the door.

"Edward, don't ruin the time we have, please," I begged him.

He laughed a bit and shook his head. "You know," he said softly, "I've heard the thoughts of so many women and how men made them feel cheap. I get it now. I wanted you to feel like you belonged to me, but you just managed to make me feel cheap. I'm sorry."

I watched him walk out of the room and my anger sent me flying from the bed to run after him. He wasn't going to get away with those words when he was so out of touch with the norms of current society. I didn't stop to put on any clothing but rushed into the living room naked.

"You instigated what just happened between us; don't act like I took advantage of you. You touched me buddy, not the other way around," I yelled.

"You let me love you," he yelled back. "You offered yourself to me knowing full well I want all of you. This day or two stuff is shit and you know it."

I was stunned to hear him cuss, but also stunned to hear he thought I would want him forever after one orgasm. He was beyond immature, he was close to delusional. I did have to admit I knew he was trying to convince me to stay forever and I couldn't act naïve about it. I tried to explain and show him it was too premature to talk about a relationship.

"Edward, we don't know each other that well. What happened just now is only learning about my body, not something that should bind us together forever. Relationships take a lot of time but…"

He pointed his finger at me in anger and said, "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, especially not you."

I felt his words echo from the past and I instantly shut down. I couldn't force myself to say another word and turned to go back to my room and find something to put on. I heard the door slam and figured he was leaving. I got a blanket and a pillow and walked out to the large fissure in the earth to make sure I didn't miss the county workers if they came.

It was close to noon the next day when a truck finally arrived. Edward hadn't returned, or if he had he was staying out of sight. A man made his way over the river in a raft that was attached to the truck and then pulled us both back to shore.

"Is there anyone else at the house?" he asked.

"No," I answered sadly. "I was alone."

I looked back as the truck took me away from the beautiful home. I expected to be filled with anger but only sadness entered my heart. Why did Edward have to be Mr. Masen, and why did he have to be an immortal? I wasn't sure at the moment which caused more problems for me, but when combined together it made a relationship with him next to impossible.

The man next to me pulled out a phone and handed it to me. "Is there anyone you need to call?" he asked.

I stared at the black square and knew there was one way to end all of Edward's hope and help him move on with his life. I took it in my hand and dialed a number.

"Jake," I said, and then had to swallow to continue, "I want you to move into my house, I think we should try to make a marriage work again."

He was quiet and my heart was begging him to refuse, but he finally said, "Thank you, Bella. I swear you'll never regret it."

I felt the tears fall from my eyes as I told him I would be back into town soon. I handed the man back his phone and turned to look out at the forest in the distance. Edward was out there somewhere with his own broken heart, but I felt I had to do this to give him a chance at finding eventual happiness.

Maybe I did love him a little, since I was willing to go to such an extreme. The thought caused my chest to burn and I closed my eyes so I could cry freely.


	6. Chapter 16 thru 18

The Cullens left Forks. At least the open life they were living, I had no idea if Edward lurked around anywhere. I thought of him often as I taught or took a run, which was now a habit of mine. I wondered if he was staring at me from the darkness of the forest. I think a part of me wanted him to step into view, but my main focus was on Jake.

He had softened a lot since moving into my house. He was funny and lighthearted all the time. I felt like the Jake I had known years ago had returned. A piece of my heart I kept guarded, in case his rage returned…or Edward returned.

We were lying in bed one night when Jake said, "Bella, let's have a baby."

My eyes moved to his to see if he was joking or not. Things had been good, but we were not married and it hadn't been a full year yet. I shook my head softly and said, "I think we need more time."

"I know you're waiting for the beast to emerge. But I swear I'm done with that, Bella."

"Just like that? You haven't gotten any help and you're still drinking," I pointed out.

"I can't explain it. It has nothing to do with the alcohol. It is something buried deeply inside of me that bubbles up for no reason. But it's gone now, I swear."

"Gone for now, or gone for good?" I asked, not sure if I believed him.

"Gone for good," he promised. "I think we should become a real family. We should marry again and start having kids."

Wasn't this why I turned down Edward, so I could live and age and do normal mortal things? I imagined a baby, with Jake's dark skin and my narrow jaw. I thought of all the joys that children bring and looked over at Jake. He smiled widely, the smile I knew and trusted as a young girl. I finally nodded in agreement.

Jake yelled loudly and jumped up on the bed as he threw his fist into the air. I laughed at his childish exuberance and grabbed his arm and pulled him down onto me. I kissed him passionately as I tried to settle my spinning mind from the uneasy feeling I was having.

The next day I returned home from work and found Jake sitting on the couch. He looked up but he didn't smile when I walked in. I headed to my room and changed into my running clothes. I came back into the front room and saw Jake staring at a dark television screen.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he said harshly.

I felt a familiar chill run through me and moved closer to the door. "Jake?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

He glanced over at me without any expression whatsoever and nodded lightly. I tried to smile, but my lips were trembling. "I'm going for a run," I said and rushed out the door.

I headed across town to my father's house. I wasn't going home alone to deal with Jake; I would make Charlie come with me. I made it to a remote area of the road when someone caught my eye in the trees. I screamed and grabbed onto my heart as Alice smiled back at me.

"You scared the shit out of me," I complained, as I struggled to get my breath.

"I need to talk to you," she said, and motioned for me to come closer to her. I looked around to see if I had any means of escape, but she only laughed and said, "I'm not going to hurt you."

I walked reluctantly toward her and she held out her hand for mine. As soon as I felt the cold of her skin she pulled me into a hug. I had to admit it felt wonderful to see her again. "How are you and Jasper?" I asked her as she held me tightly to her tiny body.

"Eh?" she laughed. "I spend too much time shopping and he spends too much time hunting." I realized even immortal marriages were not always perfect. "Rose and Emmett are good, Carlisle and Esme are awesome as always," she added.

"Okay, don't make me ask," I said, as I pulled away and folded my arms.

"He's hurting," she said and stared directly into my eyes. "You aren't seriously going to have a baby with that heathen?"

My eyes narrowed and I felt angry at how easily she could see my decisions. "I'm not sure, why are you watching my decisions?"

"Because Edward is miserable without you," she admitted. "When I saw you with Jake it sickened me. Edward hates Jake for hurting you, but something about him makes me so angry. I'm tempted to rip off his arms," she said, as her golden eyes darkened.

"I wanted Edward to move on," I said softly, realizing myself it was a mistake to take Jake back.

Alice threw her arms into the air and huffed loudly. "You just don't get it. He can't move on. He loves you and it will never change. It is like trying to change the composition of granite, it isn't going to happen, ever."

"I don't want to be a vampire," I screamed loudly at her. I wasn't sure if I was angry at her or trying to convince myself I was set against the idea.

"Fine, don't b e a vampire, but spend some time with Edward. I'm sure you'll grow to love him," she begged.

I walked over to lean against the trunk of a tree before saying the rest of what I needed to say. I looked over at Alice and knew she could hear me without speaking up, so I said softly, "There is a part of him I hate. The Mr. Masen part of him ruined my life. I can't just forget about it."

"Then let him make it up to you. He'd give you anything in his power Bella, he loves you totally."

I tried to figure out how a life with him would work. Would we move around constantly or would he remain hidden from the rest of the world as I continued on pretending to be alone? Would I have to introduce him as my brother and then my son, until I died as his grandmother? It was ridiculous and I couldn't put us both through the drama. I looked at Alice and shook my head back and forth.

"I want nothing to do with Edward," I said, and headed back to the road to continue my run.

Charlie gave me a ride home and when we walked into the house Jake had dinner ready and his usual smile was in place. I was exhausted from trying to figure out both him and Edward. I went to shower and then ate as Jake and my dad talked about an upcoming fishing trip.

I was already in bed when Jake finally turned in. He snuggled up behind me and wrapped his arm around me protectively. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I wasn't sure if it was for the fear I had regarding Jake or the sadness I felt for refusing Edward.

The rest of the week was smooth and Jake appeared happy and normal every night. I began to wonder if I had read too much into his demeanor the other day. On Friday I headed off to work as Jake headed off to find a camping spot for our family fishing trip. He would reserve the spot and I would come up with Charlie and Billy the next morning.

I got home from work and made a trip to the store to buy supplies. I loaded an ice chest and the food onto the porch before packing my backpack. I took a shower and dressed in sweats so I could wake up and go as quickly as possible. I got into bed and closed my eyes.

The hair on my arms rose and I opened my eyes to see Edward standing in the doorway of my room. My heart was beating wildly, but I spoke calmly. "How dare you enter my home unannounced," I said.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," he said with shame.

"We said goodbye a long time ago," I pointed out, and got out of my bed to stand facing him.

"No, a permanent goodbye," he said. "I'm done with this existence."

I laughed as I shook my head, was he really threatening me with suicide? I wasn't going to let him burden me with that responsibility. "You're an adult, you make your own choices," I said adamantly.

He smiled and I felt my body respond to the sight of his beauty so I looked away. "I wanted to see you one last time," he said sadly. "I'll keep this vision in my mind…."

I felt my heart lurch and I quickly added, "As you're being torn apart?"

His brow furrowed and he looked like he was struggling with how to explain his thoughts. He finally said, "I've been on this earth a long time. I don't fear death, I long for it. Just like an old man who is tired of living alone."

I remembered how my grandmother told me of missing my grandfather. She didn't fear death either; she wanted to be with him again. But Edward didn't have anyone to spend his eternity with; he was an abomination and possibly had no soul. Would his parents ever welcome back their child who fed off of human blood?

I realized at that very moment Edward could easily fix his predicament. He could change me against my will and deal with the aftermath later. It was a testament to his goodness that he would give up his existence instead of forcing me to change. I relaxed a bit and motioned for him to sit on my bed.

"Can we sit outside?" he asked. "I can smell Jake."

I glanced around the room and said, "Jake doesn't smell."

"He does to me," he said and left the room. I followed behind and we sat on my small deck to finish the conversation.

"Edward, do you think you have a soul? What do you think death will bring for you?"

"I'm certain it will mean hell," he said sadly.

"And what is hell?" I asked, "Isn't it what you have now?" I wanted to show him there was nothing better waiting on the other side so he should be content to continue on here.

He shook his head back and forth and said, "No, this isn't hell. This is unbearable. To know I hurt you as a child and then led you to…him…twice."

"Like I said, adults make their own decisions. I am responsible for my life with or without Jake, not you."

I watched as his jaw tensed and he spoke through gritted teeth, "He doesn't deserve you or your child."

I sat up in my chair and leaned closer to him as I asked, "Have you been hanging around here listening to us?"

"No," he said harshly. "I heard from Alice. I've been in Brazil."

I sat back and took a moment to calm down before asking, "What happened to China?"

He smiled and I saw a mischievous twinkle in his eye. I found myself smiling in response as I waited for his comment. "I heard if I drink Chinese I will just be thirsty again in an hour."

I was stunned not only by the inappropriateness of his joke, but that he made a joke at all. I began to laugh and couldn't find it in me to stop. I doubled over as I held my stomach and laughed loudly. When Edward joined in I laughed even louder. I hadn't laughed this hard since the day Mr. Masen removed all joy from my life. But this was Edward Cullen making me laugh, Mr. Masen was as good as dead and I needed to grow up and realize it.

17

I wasn't sure where we stood. We were laughing together on my deck although we were talking about his demise. I finally pulled it together and reached out to take his hand. His expression was one of pain, not from anything physical, but from the heartache he was feeling, an ache so bad he would rather be destroyed than live with it.

"Edward, don't do what you have planned. Go home, give it more time," I suggested.

He leaned over to kiss my hand and then let his cheek lie upon it. "I have no home," he said sadly.

"Yes you do, you have your home in Chicago," I reminded him.

"I have a house in Chicago, not a home," he clarified.

I leaned completely over him, encompassing him with my arm so I could speak directly into his ear. I whispered to him, knowing he could hear me clearly. "I don't want you to die."

His eyes closed and he took an unneeded jagged breath before asking, "Could you ever love me?" he asked.

"I do love you," I whispered.

"Enough to have a life with me?" he pressed, getting right to the point and knowing already what the answer was.

"I can't, I have a life with Jake," I said, to add the final blow.

He winced and closed his eyes tightly before finally raising his head and looking at me. He smiled, in the way that caused my heart to pound. Without another word he headed into the forest behind my home. I called out to him, but he kept walking until he was completely out of sight.

It was next to impossible to sleep. I kept thinking of Edward and how painful his ending would be. I finally got out of bed and put on my hiking boots before heading into the dark forest with only a flashlight. I had to hope Edward was still out there somewhere, but in reality he could be miles away by now.

I walked until daylight, calling out for him and getting only my echo in return. When I finally came to a steep cliff overlooking an inlet of water I stopped. I sat on the ground with my feet hanging precariously over the edge as I broke into sobs. For all I knew Edward was already dead and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

A sound behind me caused me to jump. I spun around hoping to see Edward, but it was Jake looking back at me. I wiped my face and tried to smile, but his expression remained one of defiance.

"Are you camping nearby?" I asked him, wondering how he found me.

"I should rip your throat out," he said, with wild eyes.

My body froze and I couldn't force myself to move. I prayed Edward was somewhere close by so he could rush to save me if I needed him.

"My dad and Billy are right behind me," I said, trying to sound authentic. I glanced behind Jake at the dark forest where nothing stirred. I was up against the abyss with nowhere to run.

"It is too overwhelming," he said, as spit dripped from his mouth. "I can't control it anymore. I'm going to hurt you, Bella."

"Jake, listen to me. We can work it all out. I love you," I lied to give myself time to think. His body was tense as if he was going to pounce at any moment. I shuffled my feet to one side, but he matched my movements.

"I can smell him all over you," Jake seethed. "He's been touching your body."

I didn't understand how Jake could smell Edward. He wasn't supernatural and Edward had no smell. He could move without noise and held no scent. It made me wonder how Jake knew. I decided he must have returned home last night and saw Edward with me on the deck.

"He wanted to talk to me. We were colleagues and nothing more," I said, as I began to cry.

"Don't lie to me," Jake screamed. "I smell that horrible smell all over you."

I was confused by both Jake and Edward's ability to smell the other. I didn't have time to think about it right now so I tried to beg him for forgiveness. I promised to stay away from Edward forever; if Jake would only forgive me I swore things would be perfect for us.

He laughed with a threatening bellow and shook his head back and forth. I glanced behind me at the steep cliff which led to a thin tributary that headed for the ocean. I decided I would jump before I would allow Jake to beat me. I sensed he wouldn't stop this time, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of killing me. My feet moved backward as I kept my eyes trained on him. He glanced down at how close I was to the edge and then grinned.

"Are you going to jump?" he asked.

"Yes," I said confidently.

"You won't do it, you're too weak," he laughed.

The words filled my soul with courage. I had been weak because of men like Edward and Jake. I was going to do something strong for the first time in my life. I raised both of my hands out in front of me, like a diver getting my balance. I folded my fingers until only the middle ones remained and then let my body fall backward.

I heard Jake scream my name and then only the sound of rushing air could be heard around me. I expected to feel my body slam into the water, to have the air knocked out of me, or pain surge through me. But I felt nothing except the burning sensation in my muscles. I was in hell for taking my own life. Nothing Jake and Mr. Masen caused mattered; I was being punished for eternity for giving up.

I didn't see my grandparents but I could hear everything around me as I floated in this eternal fire. I could hear people talking; I could hear the wind blowing and the sound of footsteps and breathing. I finally opened my eyes, to face Satan head on.

I recoiled when I saw Jasper looking at me. I moved quickly to the back of the room and tried to figure out where I was.

"Bella, my name is Alice," Alice announced.

"I know," I said. "Where's Jake and where's Edward?"

Her eyes grew large and she looked at Jasper with an expression of fear. "Carlisle," she yelled loudly.

I could hear him take each step toward the room. He opened the door and looked at me with a soft smile. "Why am I here?" I asked, and then remembered Carlisle was a doctor. "Did you help me? Am I in a hospital?"

He walked slowly toward me and took hold of my arm. "Bella, what do you remember?"

"I was on the cliff, fighting with Jake and…."

I realized all at once that Carlisle's touch wasn't cold, it was soft and warm. I looked down at my arm to see his white marble hand holding onto my own porcelain skin. I pulled easily out of his hold and crashed into a desk behind me, rendering it into a broken pile of wood.

"Bella," Carlisle said in a gentle tone. "It is unusual to have memories after being changed. I need you to talk to me so we can figure this out."

"Who changed me?" I gasped.

"Thank God," Jasper mumbled and I turned to look at him.

"Where's Edward?" I demanded. I was furious and I wanted him here to unleash all my anger on. "Did he do this to me? I told him I wouldn't be a vampire," I yelled, echoing off the walls.

"Would you rather be a bloodstain on the rocks?" Alice yelled back at me.

"YES," I screamed. "I chose that end. I didn't choose this."

Alice walked toward me slowly. Her usual friendly expression changed into one of anger. She stood only inches from my face before saying, "You ungrateful bitch. Edward loves you, I love you, and we all wanted to welcome you into our family. If you wanted to die, at least make my brother happy in the process. You're dead now, hallefuckinglujah."

"Allie, careful," Jasper warned. I looked at him as I tried to decipher his meaning. Did he feel Alice was in danger of me? Was I somehow stronger than her now?

"I won't hurt her," I said adamantly, to stop the rage I had building inside of me. "I'm not an animal." Jasper smirked before looking away and it fueled my anger. "I'm a bloodsucker, and I want to know who did this to me."

"Get Rose," Carlisle said to Jasper, and then turned back to me. "Rose wasn't happy to be changed either, she can help calm you down."

"I don't want to be calmed down," I said with a hysterical voice. "I want to be dead and buried."

Rosalie stepped into the room and gave me an irritated glance. She folded her arms and shook her head before saying, "God, you and Edward are so much alike. If you want to be dead then go find a nomad to rip you to pieces."

"Rose," Carlisle said with a warning that sounded almost like a growl. She let her head drop and I looked around the room. Nobody would look at me and I realized why. Edward was gone and they were blaming me.

"Where's Edward?" I asked softly.

"Looking for nomads," Rose finally answered.

"Did he change me?" I demanded.

Her mouth formed a very slight smile and she answered, "Does it really matter?"

Carlisle interrupted our catfight and took hold of my arm and led me to a chair to sit. "Bella, everyone is searching the water for you. You need to call your father and tell him you escaped and you are hiding from Jake."

I couldn't stand the thought of Charlie thinking I had killed myself, so I nodded softly and he brought me a phone. I dialed his cell number and put the phone to my ear.

"Chief Swan," he answered.

"Dad?"

"Bells?" he cried and I could hear the shaking in his voice.

"I'm okay dad, Jake freaked out and I had to make him think I killed myself."

"Where are you?" he asked in tears.

"It's better if you don't know right now. I'll check in again later," I said and then cut the connection on the phone. I handed it back to Carlisle, but Rose intercepted it and crushed it easily in her hand until only powder remained.

Esme entered the room and I felt an overwhelming sense of love. She put her arms around me and whispered, "Are you thirsty, dear?"

For the first time it occurred to me that I would live off of blood now. I felt exactly as Edward did when he was changed. I wanted them to regret making me one of them. I wanted to release carnage throughout the city so they would feel sorrow and pain for changing me. I nodded as I focused on the burning of my throat.

"Are you willing to hunt animals?" she asked.

I glanced at all the waiting faces, anticipating my answer would be yes, so I shook my head and said, "No, if I'm a vampire I will act like one."

Esme sighed and suddenly my exit was blocked by Emmett's huge body. "Sorry little sis, that's a negative," he said with a kind smile.

I understood what was going on. Emmett was the muscle in the family. None of the rest of them could stop me, but Emmett could. I stood from the chair and widened my legs to keep my balance. Emmett matched my stance and his eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Are you going to hurt a girl?" I asked, as innocently as I could.

He laughed loudly and nodded in agreement. "All's fair in love and war," he teased.

"Are you saying you love me?" I chided, and moved slowly to my left.

He placed both arms out to block my exit from either direction and said, "No, I'm saying this is war."

We both smiled disingenuously and my body shot forward like a bullet, making the first move.

18

My body was filled with excitement. I slammed into Emmett with such force it sounded like boulders colliding. His smile grew as he pushed off sending us both tumbling onto the floor. His huge muscles felt soft to my touch but no matter how quickly I moved he was able to match me.

I couldn't shake him and his grip was controlling. I finally relaxed and he followed suit. I looked up at his face as he sat straddled over my body. I smiled seductively and said, "You like it rough, baby?"

I heard Rose hiss and I looked over and laughed at her. I would do everything in my power to make this family hate me. They wouldn't see me as a loved one and I would make sure to become an enemy of each and every one of them.

I turned back to Emmett and said, "Are you going to let her tell you what to do? Come on big guy; show me what a vamp lover can do."

Emmett laughed loudly and it angered me he was laughing at my proposition. He held my hands to the floor next to my head and said, "You couldn't handle me sweetness. Edward is more your speed."

"Get off of me," I said angrily.

"Are you going to calm down?" he asked with a chuckle.

I finally nodded in agreement and he got up, making sure to remain between me and the door. I stood and looked at Jasper, knowing he would be easier to antagonize. Alice moved to his side and put her arms around him possessively.

"So killer, do you want to go hunting with me?" I asked. "Fresh blood as they scream in terror?"

I saw his eyes darken and Alice's arms tighten. Jasper finally got his composure and smiled at me. "I think I'll check out some deer, still interested?"

I glowered at him, not really sure what I wanted to squelch the thirst I was feeling. Carlisle took control and said, "Bella, we will take you with us, but you won't be hunting. Emmett will wait with you as we find animals you can drink."

I looked at him and winked, causing Rose to threaten me with a growl coming from deep within her chest. Emmett laughed and shook his head. "You're going to be one hell of a newborn," he said and took hold of my arm.

We headed outside into the dark forest but I could see as if it were the middle of the day. I saw more detail in the leaves, colors I hadn't noticed before, clearness beyond three dimensional. I couldn't look at things enough. I was awestruck by the beauty I was witnessing.

Emmett loosened his hold on me but I was too engrossed in the newness of everything that I didn't think to run. We headed deeper into the forest and I finally asked, "Where are we?"

"Canada," he said to shock me.

"It's beautiful," I said with a soft voice.

"Just wait until you look in a mirror," he laughed. "I have to say you're a gorgeous vamp."

I never stopped to think about my looks changing. I had always been simple Bella and I couldn't even imagine being considered gorgeous. I wasn't a vain woman, but I was anxious to see if I could tell a difference physically.

"Do I look different?" I asked.

"Not too different, I mean you still look like Bella, just a flawless version."

I had to look differently because I was full of flaws. It was something Jake and Mr. Masen had convinced me of.

We stopped walking and Carlisle emerged with a large mountain lion in his arms. I felt something stir inside me, something primal and instinctual. Carlisle held the neck exposed and I quickly sunk my teeth into the jugular. I didn't feel disgusted or evil. I felt like the large cat had been made specifically for this purpose.

"She's like Eddie," Emmett laughed. "She likes the big cats."

I wiped my mouth with my arm and turned to glare at Emmett. "Don't call him Eddie," I demanded. "It isn't respectful."

I had no idea why I defended Edward. My throat wasn't burning and I felt calm and much more affable. I had to actually remind myself Edward was Mr. Masen. I drank some from a deer Jasper brought to me, but it wasn't as satisfying as the cat. I was feeling antsy, like I needed to run, so I looked at Alice and smiled.

"Can you run with me?" I asked.

"I'll have to come along," Emmett interjected.

"Why?" I asked.

"In case you come across some humans, someone has to be there to kick your ass," he laughed.

"So who's gonna do it?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and sending Emmett into a deep belly laugh.

"You have spunk," he said, and I took off running.

I could hear him and Alice behind me, but the freedom I felt was exhilarating. I wanted to run forever, never tiring or growing bored. Suddenly Emmett rounded in front of me and stopped. I came to an abrupt stop and raised my nose into the air.

"What is that awful smell?" I asked.

"Humans are by the lake," he whispered.

"Sick, how can you drink from them. That is disgusting." I placed my arm over my face to breath against my skin.

"Breathe through your mouth," Emmett instructed, but the sour smell still entered my senses.

Alice came from the trees and said, "Some boys from a native tribe are fishing."

"Yeah, we could smell them," Emmett said. At that moment the boys began arguing loudly with one another. It reminded me of Jake and his friends so I turned and headed in another direction. I wanted away from their smell but also their familiar arguing.

We ran back toward the house, stopping to drink on the way. I didn't feel the ach of thirst I had felt earlier and was much more relaxed when we arrived home. Esme met me at the door and pulled me into her arms.

"You are so amazing," she said with pride.

"She was never tempted by the humans," Emmett said.

"They smelled disgusting," I admitted. "I'll gladly stick to animal blood."

Carlisle motioned for me to have a seat and the entire family gathered around. He had a pen and a pad of paper and began asking me questions.

"Bella, do you feel out of control?"

"No," I replied honestly.

"Can you hear any of our thoughts?"

I glanced at the anxious faces and then shook my head back and forth.

"Concentrate on someone and tell me if you can see their decisions."

I looked at Esme and tried my best, but nothing came to me so I shook my head.

"Jasper," Carlisle said softly and my attention turned to him. He smiled before lowering his head and staring at me intently. I felt a bath of emotions wash over me; first I became afraid, then amorous, and finally completely contented.

"She felt them all," he said to Carlisle.

I sat forward in my seat and said, "Do it again."

This time when Jasper turned to look at me I brought the image of Edward forward in my thoughts. I couldn't feel anything, but I could tell the imaginary image of Edward was feeling them. When Jasper pulled away I relaxed and smiled widely.

"She transferred my emotions onto Edward," he gasped.

Alice jumped up and stared blankly into the distance. "He really felt them. It has him freaked," she announced.

"Edward?" I asked. "You know where he is?" Alice looked a bit miffed at herself for giving away too much information, but my anger was only beginning to build. "Is he hiding?" I screamed.

It was one thing to actually change me but to hide after doing it was too much. I felt a warmth of calm hit me, so I concentrated on Rose, causing her to actually smile at me for the first time.

"Bella, you're so pretty," she said in almost a coo.

"Jasper," I warned. "Emmett can't be around every second of every day. Don't mess with me."

He held up his arms in retreat and I realized just how much power I must actually have to make him cower. I decided to push a bit further. "I want Edward here by the end of the day, or I can't be responsible for my actions."

"We are all expected to keep control," Carlisle began.

"It's my first day," I yelled loudly. "If I freak out it is to be expected. GET HIM HERE, NOW!" The sound of my voice caused the walls to shake and I could see the reverberations like ripples on a pond.

Carlisle looked at the others and nodded in agreement. Rose headed for the doorway and turned to glare at me. "I don't like you," she said angrily.

"Bite me," I said in response, sending Emmett to the floor in laughter.

It was agreed the family would go looking for Edward as Emmett stayed to keep me under control. I waited until they were all far from the sound of my voice before asking Emmett, "Who changed me?"

"How can you remember everything but you don't know who changed you?" he asked as he took a seat.

"I remember fighting with Jake. I was on the edge and let my body fall backward, and then I remember waking up here," I told him.

"You're lucky," he explained. "It is usually a very painful process. It burns like hell."

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. "I remember the burning. I thought I was in hell, like literally in hell, burning for eternity."

He smiled and let his head fall to the side, "Then being a vamp should be a step up."

I smirked at him and asked once again, "Who changed me?"

"It's a mystery," he said, letting his fingers flutter in the air as if trying to scare me. I reached out and smacked his hands and they actually dropped from my strength.

"It wasn't Edward?" I pressed.

"Hey, do you want to arm wrestle?" he asked, as he pulled a table closer to the sofa. I knew he was trying to distract me, but his offer was one I wasn't about to let pass.

I placed my elbow on the table and glanced up at him. "What if I win?" I asked him.

"Do you want to bet something?" he asked in confusion.

"No, if I win I'm stronger and you can't keep me here," I pointed out.

He moved to place his elbow on the table and said, "You may be stronger, but I have more experience. You wouldn't make it out a window before I had you pinned to the ground."

Our hands locked together and we both began to push with all our might. I said, "So are you strong enough to kill me if I ask you to do it?"

His hand smashed to the table breaking a large hole in it. He jumped up angrily. "Damn, look what you made me do. Esme will have my ass." His attention turned back to me and he scrunched his forehead. "Why would you ask me that?"

"If I choose not to live this way do I really have to find a nomad? And exactly what is a nomad?"

He stared in disbelief and finally moved back to the sofa before speaking to me. "Nomads wander the earth drinking human blood. They don't live as families or remain in one place. They're nearly animals," he said. "They hate our kind and would happily rid the earth of us."

"So if Edward finds one, he's dead?" I asked.

Emmett nodded and the pain on his face told me he truly thought of Edward as his brother. I reached out and patted his hand lovingly before asking one last time.

"Did Edward change me?"


	7. Chapter 19 thru 21

19

I should have all kinds of questions regarding the vampire lifestyle but I was fixated on one thing, and if it was Edward who did this to me. I couldn't explain why it was so important, but it seemed to be the only thing that mattered.

Emmett found every way imaginable to avoid the question. At first I thought he was big and dumb, now I realized Emmett was pretty smart and an expert at handling people. Jasper had his power to help him; Emmett used charm to get you to forget the matter at hand.

He was standing in the middle of the room explaining how the family came together. He was so animated and goofy that he held me spellbound.

"And then I said, 'Bear, you don't get to be the end of Emmett McCarty.' I attacked with a vengeance as he ripped my flesh. Rose was watching and I guess these muscles impressed her," he told me, as he flexed proudly. "She saved me."

"How, by killing you anyway?" I asked.

He looked at me with a serene face and said in a gentle voice, uncommon for Emmett. "She brought love into my life. It was worth dying for."

I never had a love I could depend on. I wasn't sure what it felt like, but I was certain I wouldn't know as a vampire. This life was not normal and I wasn't convinced I would remain this way. I understood for the first time how much effort it took for Edward to make it for over one hundred years.

"Have you killed anyone?" I asked him outright.

"Sure, I've had blood sing to me, like yours did for Edward. I wasn't strong enough to resist," he admitted.

"You killed children?" I gasped, realizing there was still a teacher inside of me.

"No," he said with irritation. "It was an elderly man and a whore." I hissed at him and he quickly tried to explain. "Seriously, she was a hooker on the street. I told her I wanted to bite her and she made me pay her up front."

The earnestness on his face caused me to double over in laughter. I had to find out and asked, "Did you pay her?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, "but I took my money back after I killed her."

I had no idea why I found something so brutal as funny. I should be grateful Edward had much more control than Emmett. I was now one of them and I wondered how I would react if someone's blood called to me. I hoped I would be strong and think about their families and loved ones, but I couldn't be sure.

"When do you think they'll return with Edward?" I asked.

Emmett only shrugged and reached over for a remote to watch a game. I sat in silence as he yelled and cheered for his team. I tried to decide what I was going to say to Edward. Would I scream at him for doing this to me, or for running off like a coward after he did?

The day passed with no sign of the others. I finally headed out in the night with Emmett to hunt. He remained close to my side the entire time and when we came across a bear the sight of him drinking kept me spellbound. It was like a dance and bordered on beautiful. Surely I wouldn't feel the same way if I were still human.

Emmett and I headed back to the house and he was growing restless. He finally said, "Do you feel like doing something, maybe hit a club or something?"

"Can I be around people?" I asked in shock.

He smiled widely and said, "That's what I'm along for."

I nodded in agreement and we headed into a small mountain town where loud music came from a small dark building. The room was smoky but it didn't bother me. I could smell the sweetness of blood mixed with the sour smell from earlier.

A young woman approached and looked at Emmett only when she asked if we wanted anything to drink. Emmett ordered beers and I asked if we actually had to drink them.

"You can, you just won't like the taste. And food is edible if you chew for a long time and let the venom change it into liquid. But again, it tastes nasty."

I realized for the first time how easily they would blend in if they had to. Not that anyone would believe in vampires to begin with. I took a sip of my beer and gagged instantly. Emmett laughed loudly before taking a gulp of his.

"Let's dance," he suggested, and stood to offer me his hand.

He was quite coordinated for a big guy and had some pretty impressive moves. When the music changed to a slow song he took a step away from me. "What?" I asked.

"We better sit this one out," he said, and headed to the table.

"Seriously?" I asked, as I followed him. "Rose won't let you slow dance with another woman. Is she that jealous?"

He ran his hand through his short hair and shook his head, "No, not Rose."

"Who?" I asked.

He paused and looked like he had stuck his foot in his mouth before finally sighing loudly. "Look, Edward is…emotional…and he…"

"Wait," I said, and held up my hand. "You won't dance with me because Edward will be mad?" I was ready to use my vamp strength and drag Emmett back onto the dance floor. Edward was not going to dictate how I behaved when he ran off and left me this way.

"It isn't that he'll be mad," Emmett tried to explain. "I just think certain things should be his prerogative. I'm sure he wants to dance with you first."

My anger softened a bit and Emmett could tell by my expression. He leaned in and spoke with emotion. "Bella, he loves you, get that through your thick head."

"Is that why he changed me?" I asked, hoping my new approach would get me some information.

"It is why he wants to die. He doesn't want to spend eternity without you."

It told me Edward changed me out of hope I would love him. I sat back and looked around the room. Several men were staring at me and one wink as another blew me a kiss. I laughed and looked away. I had no interest in them, and not because they were human, but because they were men and I was pretty pissed at the men in my life right now.

We went home when the club closed and Emmett and I watched a movie and played video games until the sun rose. I was growing anxious for the others to return, since things were getting boring quickly.

Around evening time of the following day I could hear the sound of feet pounding in the distance. Emmett walked to a window and announced. "They're back. It sounds like they found Edward."

I strained my ears and could make out six distinct sounds of people running. Within minutes they all came into view. Edward was in front and his clothes were a mess. Alice was right behind him and I could hear her chastising Edward to remain calm. I moved to the far side of the room and waited for the door to fly open.

Edward's eyes locked with mine and he froze to his spot in the doorway. Alice had to push him forward so he would enter the room fully. I narrowed my eyes in accusation but his expression was mixed. He almost looked like he was going to cry.

"Isn't this what you expected?" I demanded, "Isn't this why you followed me all those years?"

"I told you she remembers," Alice said in just a whisper that I could hear clearly.

"Are you thirsty?" Edward asked with a strained voice.

I laughed and glanced at Emmett, "No, I've been hunting and hitting the town with Emmett."

Emmett quickly spoke up to explain. "She doesn't crave human blood. She has no reaction at all."

Edward looked back at me in confusion so I shrugged and acted like it was no big deal. Rose came into the house and walked over to Emmett to give him a very passionate kiss in front of the entire family. I felt a bit sad that Edward wasn't greeted in the same manner. He must have been thinking the same thing because we both looked at each other and then quickly looked away.

Esme walked over to put her arms around me and suggested we all sit to talk. I patted her kindly and then pulled from her hold. "First I want to ask Edward a question. Did you change me?"

His head shot up to look at me and then he glanced around the room before asking, "You don't remember?"

"It is the only thing I can't recall," I said forcefully.

He glanced at his family again and then nodded to me in shame. I walked closer to him and Emmett took a step toward me too. I held up my hand to keep him back and continued toward Edward. I got right into his face and said, "Even after I told you I didn't want to be a vampire, you did this to me?"

"You were injured," he said sadly.

"So," I yelled.

I finally saw a glimpse of the old Mr. Masen. His face changed to one of rage and he yelled loudly at me. "You expected me to let you die, to look at your broken body and walk away? Are you insane? Jake doesn't get to destroy you."

"I decided to jump, Edward. It was my choice to do it. And then you ran off like a coward and I'm supposed to fall in love with you? You left me," I screamed.

"Bella," Alice said softly and Edward quickly hushed her.

"I wanted you to have time to adjust. I never expected you would have memories," he said, as if it made everything better.

"So tell me exactly what you had planned. Your family would teach me to hunt and I would be so thrilled with the vamp life that when you returned I would fall madly in love with you? Was that the plan Edward?"

We were both raising our voices loudly and I felt an overwhelming need to attack him. Alice was trying to tell me to calm down as the men moved closer to me. Edward yelled even louder when he said, "I wasn't even planning to live, I didn't make any decisions about your future."

"Aside from making me a monster," I yelled, as my entire body shook.

"If you hate it so much end it," he screamed.

"I'm not a coward like you. Don't bother looking for a nomad, Edward. I'll do the honor myself."

His jaw rose in defiance and I was unable to control my body any further. I sprang forward, catching him by the throat with my hands and lifting him off the floor. A loud growl erupted from my chest and I slammed him into the wall, denting the drywall in the outline of his body.

The others jumped onto me and pulled me away from Edward as he growled from his own instincts. I fought to free myself, but Emmett's arms were locked around my middle. Edward pointed at me and yelled until the walls shook. "I would never hurt you. I'm not Jake."

His words took the wind from my sails and I stopped struggling. Just the mention of Jake's habit of hurting me changed the course of my anger. The family slowly loosened their hold and I assured them I was fine. I walked to the door and looked back at Edward.

"You're right," I said softly. "I'm sorry I attacked you."

"Where are you going?" he replied.

I gave my best effort at a smile and held my hands out in front of me as I said, "I'm going to have a chat with Jake." Then I ran from the doorway and into the forest.

20

I ran at full speed heading southwest but Edward was suddenly in front of me. I dodged him several times but he always managed to beat me to the next path. I finally stopped and he gave me one of his gorgeous smiles.

"I'm fast, you can't outrun me," he announced.

I noticed how he stayed out of my reach, knowing I was much stronger than he was. I tried to reason with him.

"Edward, go home. I have some things to take care of," I said with a gentle voice.

"You're not a killer, Bella."

I shook my head and said, "Now I am. You made me one."

"Come away with me until you have time to adjust to this life. If you still insist on seeing Jake, I won't protest," he bargained.

"Where?" I asked.

"We could go back to Alaska or to Brazil, anywhere," he begged.

I worried Edward would certainly get himself killed if we spent time together and I still didn't want to be his wife. I decided to force him back to a place he could connect with. "I want to go to Chicago," I announced.

His eyes darted around as he struggled with an excuse so I added, "It is the only place I'll go with you. And I'm only promising a few days."

He swallowed the venom in his mouth and nodded in agreement. I smiled at the victory and we both changed direction. We hunted often as we made our way across Canada, many times fighting over the big cats we both loved. It was less than a week when we snuck into the city under the cover of darkness.

Edward appeared nervous as he pulled a key from a lock box and opened the door to the grand estate. He didn't turn on the lights but we didn't need any. I walked through the place and gasped at the opulent furnishings. When I reached one door on the second level Edward grabbed my hand and said, "Don't go in there. It was my childhood room."

He sounded so sad. I nodded and moved to the next room. After seeing the whole house we settled in the music room. Edward began telling me the story we would use. "We can stay in an area ten years tops and that is with the use of makeup and hair color. It is usually only three years before we move on."

"Yeah, Emmett filled me in," I told him, and he looked saddened by the announcement. "He wouldn't dance with me though," I added to cheer him.

Edward stood and walked over to a radio and turned it on before holding out his hand for mine. He felt soft and warm and I couldn't stop myself from rising and letting him pull me into his arms. His hands folded around my back and I let mine wrap around his neck. His unneeded breath felt warm against my neck as he spoke softly. "Remind me to thank Emmett," he said and then kissed my neck.

I was a strong immortal, a killing machine, a demon who could spread destruction far and wide, but the feeling of being in Edward's arms reduced me to a trembling woman. It didn't matter how strong I became, men could still weaken me.

I tried to think of a pithy comeback, but I knew he would be able to hear my voice shaking with the built up passion I was feeling. I remained quiet as my arms tightened around him. When the song ended and the voice on the radio moved to a commercial Edward raised his head to look at me. His molten eyes bore into mine and his mouth lowered onto mine.

It wasn't anything close to how he had kissed me before. This was unrestrained and his warm mouth devoured mine. I didn't have to worry about his teeth or his venom, and when my hand fisted his hair and pulled sharply it only intensified his kiss.

In one easy move I ripped his shirt from his body. He quickly grabbed my hands and pushed me away. Words fell from my mouth without thought, causing him to laugh. "I'm stronger," I announced.

"Are you going to rape me, Bella?" he teased.

I was so close to saying yes and following through with the threat. Was he a freaking monk or something? "You owe me," I said instead.

His hand moved to my jaw and he caressed my cheek lovingly. "I don't owe you," he corrected. "I love you."

"Show me," I begged with a pleading voice.

He let his thumb run softly over my lips and finally nodded, "Okay," he said as a whisper, and then instantly picked me up off the ground and carried me upstairs. We entered a huge master suite with a large thick framed walnut bed.

I didn't need the comfort, but I knew he was trying his best to be romantic, so I didn't complain when he placed me on the bed. He lay over me and smiled down at my face as I ran my fingers over his bare chest. "You're here in my home; do you have any idea what it means to me?"

I placed my finger over his mouth to make him stop talking. I wanted him, not his words, but his body. I pulled him to my mouth and within an instant my clothing was removed. My ice-cold body felt like it was on fire as I rolled in the bed, placing Edward beneath me. I glanced down and notice the look of fear on his face, bringing me back to reality.

"Are you okay?" I asked, as I tried to slow down.

"I don't want you to regret this," he said, making me smile.

I shook my head and held his hand to my cheek. "Never," I promised.

He smiled back and then said, "We don't tire…ever."

"Perfect," I said, and made full contact with him. He hissed loudly and his eyes closed as his body took over on instinct. The bed was ripped apart and most of the furniture toppled by the time we felt satisfied enough to stop. We were both laughing in ecstasy and I hoped he wasn't going to leave after getting what he wanted.

His smile was wide as he looked at me and said, "Marry me, Bella. Spend eternity with me."

I was certain I would pull away and be angry for his attempt to spoil the moment, but I couldn't find it anywhere within me to be the slightest bit upset. I kissed him again, starting the whole process over from the beginning. It was how we spent the entire night.

Right before the sun raised Edward asked if I was thirsty. My throat felt raw, but it was tolerable. I looked out the window at the dense city and asked, "How do you hunt here?"

"There are some areas outside of the city," he said. "Not a lot of variety but it is doable."

"I guess we should wait until dark," I said and he smiled mischievously.

He put on some jeans and tossed me a long shirt that I wore as a dress. I followed him to his garage and stared in awe at his collection of cars. He headed to a fast black sports car and opened the door for me. "My lady," he teased.

I got in and we drove toward Wisconsin where we found a couple of mountain lions to drink. He stopped at a mall on the way home and bought me an entire wardrobe. He seemed to have an unlimited supply of cash. Everything I looked at he bought for me.

I headed into a posh lingerie store and Edward stopped before entering. "I'll wait out here," he said. I reached out for his hand and pulled him inside with me. The depth of his prudishness amazed me.

I took some sexy items into the dressing room and when I was completely undressed I looked in the mirror. All my scars and evidence of Jake's cruelty were gone. I was fresh again. I stood there staring at my body until I heard Edward knock on the door. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I opened the door and faced him, still totally nude, so he stepped into the small space and closed the door. "My scars are gone," I told him.

He ran his finger lightly down my body and said, "The venom fixes you during the change."

"You fixed me," I whispered, meaning his venom made me new again. He let his eyes drop to the ground and he told me to bring everything I wanted to the register. I dressed again and picked out the pieces I thought Edward would like the most. When we left the store I reached out and took hold of his hand, walking like every other couple in the mall.

A group of people passed us and I covered my mouth with my hand. "Oh God, what is that smell?" I asked and glanced behind me. Two young native boys looked back and glared angrily at me before turning back to their group.

I stopped walking and looked at Edward. "It is always native people, why do they smell that way?" I asked.

Edward looked over at the boys and then back at me. "I don't know, I've never really noticed. They always have such violent thoughts," he said.

"Jake could smell you on me. It is like they are the only ones who can smell vampires," I said, and looked at the boys who were arguing with some other boys. "And they get angry when vampires are around," I realized. I looked at Edward and my eyes widened. "You were in Forks whenever Jake would change. You were following me and affecting him somehow."

"That's absurd," Edward said, and pulled me toward the parking lot. I was certain I was right, but I didn't want to ruin our day after all of Edward's generosity. I let the subject drop and concentrated on the kind man driving much too fast.

I scooted over to the middle console and began nibbling on Edward's neck. A rumbling deep in his chest caused me to laugh and he began driving even faster. I had to admit I was having so much fun with him. He was kind, and sexy, and generous. Maybe there was something to love about him after all.

We made it to his house in record time and kept the lights off as we brought in all the bags and took them upstairs. I rushed into the bathroom and changed into something I thought Edward would like. I emerged to find him removing tags and hanging up my new clothes. I leaned against the closet door and said, "I can think of something better to do."

His eyes darkened and he let the hanger drop from his hand. "Wow," he exclaimed, "Look at you."

I spun around in a circle feeling confident in my new and improved body. The nightgown clung to me, accentuating my snow white skin against the dark blue material. Edward ran his hand down the satin and said, "I love this color on you."

"Don't tear this one, I like it," I said with a grin.

He moved to his knees and took the hem lightly in his grasp before standing and pulling it over my head. I jumped onto him and wrapped my legs around his body as he dropped the gown and began running his hands all over me.

I was holding his face tightly with my hands and didn't notice when he tried to pull away. He finally spoke against my mouth and said, "Bella, stop."

I had no idea why he would suddenly want this to end, but if he brought up marriage I was going to be so angry. I dropped my legs and he instantly pushed me away.

"Someone's in the house," he said and tossed me some clothes.

I could smell something very slightly that had an earthy scent, and could hear quiet, almost silent, steps toward the stairs. I quickly pulled on my clothing and Edward leaned against my ear and whispered. "Jump from the window and run to the south."

I shook my head adamantly and his face grew angry. At that moment a voice echoed through the house. "She won't get far, Edward."

21

I heard two other sets of footsteps and Edward closed his eyes tightly and cursed under his breath. I found myself holding onto him tightly in fear. I could tell by the smell it was vampires in the house and I didn't understand why Edward would be wary of them.

"She has nothing to do with this," he said, as he took my hand and we exited the closet.

A man with long blond hair, pulled into a ponytail was standing in the doorway of the room. His clothes were tattered and dirty and he was without shoes. He slowly looked me up and down and then said to Edward, "I think she has everything to do with this."

"Laurent," Edward screamed, "The deal is off."

A black man entered the room. He was much better dressed but still dirty and without shoes. A red haired woman followed behind him and hissed at the sight of me.

"I'm afraid I don't make deals," the black man said with a thick accent.

"What's going on?" I asked softly.

"She's a newborn," Edward said as a threat.

The blonde man only laughed and waved his arms. "There are three of us," he pointed out.

I was realizing they were talking about fighting us and asked, "Aren't they vampire's too?"

"They're nomads," Edward said, with disgust.

The black man shook his head and chastised Edward for his tone. "Is that any way to speak of us when it was you soliciting our services? I promised you a swift death, and we are here to deliver," Laurent said.

My hands tightened around Edward and I looked at the smiling woman as anger boiled up inside of me. "Don't touch him," I growled.

The woman smirked and said, "James, I think she would make a great toy after you kill her mate."

"James isn't killing anyone," I yelled, trying to sound as certain as I felt. "If he comes near Edward, I'm ripping off your head and roasting marshmallows over it."

The three looked at each other in confusion. I couldn't fight all three of them, but I could take on the female and that caused James to reconsider. I knew she was his one weakness. Edward quickly offered a solution. "I'll pay you for your trouble."

James laughed and said, "I have no need of money. I take what I want."

"You sought out us, when your whore refused you," Laurent said, and Edward tensed.

"I didn't refuse him," I yelled, letting them know I was absolutely considering Edward.

James took a step closer and Edward pushed me behind his back. He rubbed his eyes with his fists as he pretended to cry. "My one love doesn't want to be a vampire, I don't want to exist, please kill me so I don't have to see her with her husband."

"Shut up," Edward exclaimed. "Things are different now."

James looked at me and nodded, "I see, who changed her as you searched the world for us."

"What?" I asked, and looked at Edward. He refused to match my gaze and kept his attention focused on James.

"My deal was with Laurent. I want to change the agreement and I'll give you anything you want in return," Edward said.

"We came all this way," the woman said and then laughed. "We would hate to leave without someone dying."

"James, Victoria will be hurt," Edward said to reason with him. "Do you want to take that chance?"

The black man took a step back toward the door and said, "Come on James, there is no fun here."

Edward grew tenser and James looked at me for a moment before following Laurent and Victoria from the room. I listened as they left the house and headed down the street. Edward held up his finger to keep me from speaking and pulled me back into the closet. He grabbed a suitcase and motioned for me to begin filling it.

I did as he said and jumped from the second story window right behind him, running to the west. He carried the bag and still managed to remain two steps in front of me the entire time. We made it to the hills of the badlands before we found shelter in a shallow cave.

"What happened back there?" I asked, and Edward ignored my question and began stacking rocks to hide our cave. I reached out and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and look at me. "You didn't change me did you?"

"It isn't important, we have to make it back to the others or we're both dead," he said excitedly.

"Then why are we stopping?"

"I'm not sure where they are; I need to give Alice time to find us." His arms tried to circle around me but I pushed him away.

"You weren't even in Washington when I jumped," I said and watched him for a reaction. "Who are you covering for?"

"Listen to me very carefully. James is not giving up. He wants to kill you to hurt me and then make me beg for my own destruction. I have to protect you," he yelled.

"I'm stronger than him," I said, but not convincingly.

"Not if they can separate us," Edward pointed out. "You have strength but not experience. We need Jasper and Emmett."

It suddenly dawned on me that I no longer considered ending this existence. I had found true joy with Edward and I wanted to see where it would lead. It pissed me off that my happiness was being threatened, so I offered my own solution. "Let's get Emmett and Jasper and go after them. Rip them apart before they know what hit um."

Edward relaxed a bit and actually smiled. He held out his hand and I stepped into his waiting arms. He hugged me tightly to his chest and I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. He kissed my hair and said, "I love you more than you will ever realize."

"I think I'm beginning to understand," I replied.

Edward pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Really?" he asked.

"Do we have time to rock this cave before Alice arrives?" I asked, and found myself instantly lifted off my feet and planted against the cave wall. Our passion was intense this time and very primal. We couldn't speak but grunted and growled as we found in each other everything our bodies needed.

Edward heard his family's minds before I heard their footsteps. He jumped up and threw my clothes to me so I quickly dressed before they arrived. We moved the rocks used to hide us and Alice ran into view. She jumped onto me with a big hug and whispered. "I knew you would love him."

"Don't make me hurt you," I teased.

Edward was talking to Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle about our encounter with James, Laurent and Victoria. Rose looked at my clothes and said, "Where did you get those?"

"Edward and I went to the mall," I said proudly.

She walked around me to get the full view and then said, "You chose to purchase that?"

I looked down at my clothes and back at hers and Alice's disappointed expressions. "What's wrong with my clothes?"

Alice looked as if she pitied my ignorance and took my hand before saying, "We'll teach you about fashion."

I pulled my hand away and decided to defend my common mall jeans. "I like my style. I'm not a high maintenance girl."

I had always been comfortable with jeans and t-shirts. I seldom wore makeup and I pulled my hair into a ponytail often. Rose and Alice wore expensive clothes fresh from the runways, it just wasn't me. I hated to think all the money Edward spent buying me new clothes would go to waste.

"You look wonderful," Esme said and hugged me.

"Thanks," I said awkwardly, knowing the others did not agree.

"I'm not leaving her," I heard Edward yell. We all looked over to see him arguing with Jasper.

I walked over to where they both stood and butted in on the conversation. "What's going on?" I asked.

The both remained quiet and I crossed my arms in anger and sighed loudly. Carlisle decided to let me in on the decisions they were making. "We were talking about Jasper and Alice taking you somewhere safe as we hunt for James and the others."

"Why would Alice and Jasper need to stay with me?" I asked.

"Jasper is great on strategy and Alice's visions would keep you safe," he explained.

"Why can't I help?"

"These nomads are extra dangerous. They are cunning and would do anything to hurt you to get back at Edward. We need to keep you out of the equation," Carlisle said, and patted my back.

I realized it wasn't my safety that had me uneasy; it was the realization I would be away from Edward. Just the thought of it made me anxious. I locked my arm with his and said, "I don't want to go."

"I told you," Alice giggled, "She loves him."

Everyone looked at me for confirmation, even Edward, so I looked at my feet and ignored them all. I didn't know what it was but something was pulling me like a magnet to him. It was now impossible for me to be angry with him, whether he changed me or not.

Edward looked into my eyes and smiled before saying, "Go to the cabin in Alaska and wait for me. I won't be gone for long."

"Then we'll go home?" I asked, meaning Chicago. The look on Edward's face was one of pure joy. He kissed me lightly and said, "Yes love, then we'll go home."

Alice tried her best to see what decisions the nomads were making. They were sure Edward would bring me back to his house and planned to catch us off guard after the others left. I traveled with Alice and Jasper toward Alaska, taking out time to hunt and bond together. Jasper was quiet but stared at me a lot. Alice talked nonstop and tried to keep me cheered up. I missed Edward terribly and it hadn't even been two days.

We were sitting in a tree as Alice tried to concentrate on the family and how their search was going. She suddenly gasped and her eyes looked at me and then flashed to Jasper with a look of horror. "What?" I asked in fear. "Is Edward okay?"

"He's fine," she said softly and then reached out for my hand. "Bella, I'm sorry, they tricked us. They understood my powers better than I thought. They kept me blind by thinking different than what they were doing."

"What were they doing?" I asked.

"They've separated. James went to Arizona," she said, and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry, but he wanted to bring you to him by….they didn't suffer," she added.

"My mother and Phil?" I asked.

She nodded and closed her eyes. I looked at Jasper and wondered if he was keeping me calm or if my lack of a beating heart kept me from exploding. I knew Alice just told me my mother was dead, but I was focused on something else, my father. I knew James would go after him next and I had to do everything I could to stop him.

I jumped down from the tree limb and began walking slowly to the west. "Bella, where are you going?" Alice asked.

"I'm going to Forks, to kill James," I answered, and began to run.

Alice and Jasper jumped down to follow and we picked up speed as we ran. It was the first time since I became a vampire I wasn't focused on Edward. James was the only person I could concentrate on. If he was alone I was sure I could handle him by myself. I let the thought cross my mind of ditching Alice and Jasper and she yelled out from my left. "No way, we're sticking to you like glue. Edward would kill us if you got hurt."

I wasn't sure exactly how to pull this off. I couldn't walk into my father's house and tell him the good news was I came home; the bad news was I was now a vampire. I would do whatever it would take to protect him, even if it meant I had to tell him the truth.

I was suddenly hit with overwhelming fatigue. I stopped running and grabbed onto a tree to remain standing. Jasper walked up knowingly, since he caused the action. I felt my strength returning and I looked at him and yelled, "What are you doing, we have to hurry?"

"No, you need to calm down before you get your father killed," he demanded.

Just mentioning my father's life being in jeopardy caused me to take off running again.


	8. Chapter 22 and 23

We arrived in Forks just as the sun was setting and Alice begged me to hunt. I was so determined to get here I wouldn't stop for anything. I finally agreed since the smell of humans was overwhelming. I headed up a steep rock face and found two large mountain lions. I felt much better after feeding and I was ready to listen to reason.

Alice was kind in her approach, but Jasper maintained his body in front of me at all times. I finally said, "I'll listen if you have a plan."

"We'll have to depend on Alice's sight, but if we spread out we'll know if James is close."

Alice looked a bit flummoxed and opened her eyes wide at Jasper. "We can't let Bella guard an area on her own, it isn't safe."

"I'm fine," I demanded. "I want to do whatever we have to do to catch James."

Jasper thought for a moment and then said, "He won't come from the north, so we'll watch the south and the east. Bella can keep an eye on her father as we watch the perimeter."

I realized his plan put him and Alice coming into contact with James first, but the idea of watching my father appealed to me. I nodded and after a few seconds Alice did too. We headed back to the city limits of Forks together. I set up a place high in a tree where I could watch Charlie's house. Eventually Jasper and Alice moved further into the forest to wait for James.

I saw Charlie's squad car pull up and watched him get out and walk dejected toward the house. I was so tempted to jump down and tell him everything was okay, but just as the emotions were getting to me Jake pulled up in his truck. I could feel a rumbling in my chest and had to look away to make it stop.

When he exited the truck with Billy I could smell the sour scent strongly. Jake paused and shook from head to toe before raising his nose into the air. I was right, he could smell us too. His fists pulled closed and his steps became forceful. It was the reaction I remembered well.

Once they got into the house the smell was gone. I could hear Jake and he sounded pleasant and in a jovial mood. For some reason vampires had a very negative effect on him. I wondered just how much Edward had affected him over the years. Maybe if he would have stayed away Jake and I could have been happy.

I remained in the tree long after Jake and Billy left. I could hear the sounds of people going to sleep and snoring softly in their beds. I finally jumped down without so much as a thud and jumped into the shadows of the house.

I easily lifted the window and climbed into the kitchen. I heard Charlie roll over in his bed as I made my way silently up the staircase. I peeked into his room and saw him facing the door fast asleep. I felt like I was crying on the inside, but nothing filled my eyes or blurred my perfect vision. I wanted to nudge him and ask him to give me a hug, but a sound deep inside the forest caught my attention. It was Alice, yelling my name.

I backed my way out of the house and ran toward her voice. I felt powerful, like adrenalin was surging through my body. I made it to a clearing and then heard Jasper call out softly. I looked up and they both stood on a ledge above me.

Jasper pointed to the south and whispered, "About one hour away."

"Is he alone?" I asked.

"I only saw one," Alice said softly.

I moved to the edge of the clearing and waited. I could hear James before I saw him and was certain he could smell us, but he came forward anyway. I stepped from the trees and he stopped advancing as a slow smile grew across his face.

"I hope you left daddy alive for me," he said in a sickening tone.

"Do you really think I'll just step aside?" I asked him.

"I honestly hope not," he laughed. I couldn't sense any fear from him, but it was fine by me. I needed to attack something and he would work just as well as anything else.

Jasper came into view and I saw James finally hesitate. His eyes looked around quickly as if he expected the entire Cullen clan. I was afraid he was going to run and we would be stuck here waiting for him to return.

"Surely you aren't afraid of two civilized vampires?" I said to taunt him. He turned his attention to me and then looked back at Jasper. I could tell he wasn't sure what to do.

James finally asked, "So what are my options?"

I was ready to tell him his only option was to die, but Jasper spoke before me. "Alice will know if you plan to come back here. We won't let you kill Charlie."

I looked at Jasper with shock. "He's not leaving here," I yelled, and took a step closer to James.

"Bella," Jasper yelled, "He has the right to choose."

We all reacted at the same time, smelling the sour stench I came to know. Our heads turned to the west and James ran. Jasper and Alice took off after him, but I was frozen to my spot. I knew I was going to come face to face with Jake. I was now stronger than him and it felt exhilarating. I knew deep down it wasn't his fault he would go into a rage, but at the moment I didn't care.

Embry stepped into the clearing first and then Jake. They both looked at me with surprise and I noticed how his hands tightened into fists. He swallowed a couple of times and said, "I thought you drowned."

"She's been out here hiding," Embry said in anger. "Making us all search for her."

I stared directly into Jake's eyes and said evenly, "I'm not afraid of you anymore. You won't hurt me."

"You always were stupid," Jake said, bringing back my human insecurities which Edward placed on me.

I felt my chest rumble and I had to fight to control my urge to attack. I wanted to hurt him, and I was certain he would make a move to attack me, but I refused to act first.

"I used to believe that, I don't anymore," I said confidently.

Jake placed his hand on his chest and tried to take a deep breath. He shuddered a couple of times and looked over at Embry with a hint of fear in his eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked with concern I didn't want to show.

He let his hands relax and shook them for a moment before looking back at me again. "Something's happening to me. My muscles are…changing."

"What do you mean changing?" I asked and considered for the first time he was trying to confuse me.

I had moved closer and maybe it was what he wanted. He was trying to bring me in so he could hit me. I smiled at the thought of his hand punching my stone skin. I now stood directly in front of him as he struggled to breathe.

My hand reached out to steady him and just as I touched his scorching hot skin he roared loudly and his muscles bulged in and out, as if morphing into something disgusting. I looked at Embry to see him grabbing his chest too. I backed up and it grew easier for Jake to catch a breath.

I didn't understand what was happening, but I knew something about being in proximity to a vampire affected them greatly. I wanted to get away from them and ran south to see if I could find Jasper and Alice. The further I got from Jake the more I thought about James. I could smell something burning and I ran toward the smell.

Alice and Jasper were standing by a large fire and I instinctually knew what it was. "Are you guys okay?" I asked them.

"Yeah," Alice said and grabbed me into a tight hug. "Where did you go, I couldn't find you in my mind?"

"I ran into Jake in the woods," I said and her forehead furrowed as she tried to concentrate.

"I can't see him," she mumbled.

"I want to ask you guys about that. I notice a sour smell coming off native people, and they seem to smell something offensive on us, plus a vampire gets them really angry. It is almost like they can't control themselves if a vampire is around."

Alice looked and Jasper and he thought deeply for a moment. "I know there are rumors that other creatures of the night can sense each other, but I don't know what to make of this information."

"Jake can be brutal, but he is no creature of the night," I said with a laugh.

Alice gasped at that moment and grabbed onto Jasper's arm. He steadied her in his arms and then asked her what she was seeing. "They got the woman, Victoria, she's dead."

"Is Edward okay?" I asked quickly.

"Yes," she said, "They are looking for us."

Jasper pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. I could hear Carlisle answer and the men made plans to meet at the Cullens home in Forks. We headed to the home and Jasper talked about different theories regarding the Native Americans. When we got to the house he got on the internet and began looking up the tribe's history.

Alice took me to an upstairs bedroom and got me some fresh clothing. She tried to teach me about different fabrics and colors, but I just wanted something comfortable. I settled on a pair of leggings and a long belted blouse. She got a pair of heels from the closet, but luckily they were too large for my feet. I put my tennis shoes back on and felt like me again.

We went back downstairs and Jasper looked a bit perplexed. "What's up?" I asked.

"I'm trying to figure out something. I know the witch trials from the early centuries killed some real witches, but…"

"Wait," I gasped. "Witches are real?"

He chuckled and said, "Are vampires real?"

I was a bit embarrassed and asked him to continue. He talked about ghosts and rumors of demons, many which turned out to be vampires. But the native's legends had to do with wolves and spirit guides in the form of animals.

"Why does the presence of a vampire make them angry?" I asked.

"Maybe something deeper in their psyche makes them realize what we are…a natural enmity between their people and vampires."

I looked at Jasper and Alice and then said, "We shouldn't be here. We're putting people in danger by being so close to the Quileutes."

"I think you're right, Bella. As soon as the other's get here we'll close up the house for good and leave," Jasper said.

"They'll be here by tomorrow night," Alice said.

"That soon?" I asked.

She smiled and gave me a nod, "Edward is very…anxious."

I couldn't help my own smile that formed and she laughed loudly at me. I was obvious with my feelings for him and I had to admit I was just as anxious as he was to be in his arms again. I had to find something to pass the time, so I headed to town. I made sure to remain just beyond the tree line, but I wanted to see my students.

I watched them head into the school and suddenly realized something horrible. I would never have a child. I would never be a mother although I would live forever. I also wanted to know the truth about what happened to me. If Edward didn't change me, who did?

23

I was pacing the floor by the time evening came. I would stop every so often and try to hear the sound of anyone coming, but the forest remained silent. Jasper was deep in his investigations and Alice was reading fashion magazines. I finally sighed loudly and got their attention.

"How much longer?" I asked them both.

Jasper looked at Alice and she sat her magazine down harshly. "Esme and Rose want to shop a bit in Seattle and Edward is throwing a hissy fit. They'll be here soon."

I was ready to throw my own hissy fit. I couldn't believe they would consider shopping while I waited here ready to explode. Surely they couldn't remember how it felt to be newly in love. The thought made me pause. I was in love with Edward and not simply in love, but desperately in love with him.

Alice giggled and I looked over to see her smiling smugly. "Shut up," I said angrily, and went outside to wait. With heightened awareness every minute felt like an hour. I couldn't imagine Edward living alone this way. By the time I heard him coming I was ready to cry.

He came crashing through the trees to see my distraught face. "What's wrong?" he asked as he rushed to my side.

I collapsed into his arms, crying tearless sobs and said, "It took you so long to come."

He laughed and gave me a loving squeeze. "I ran the whole way, never stopping to hunt," he confessed.

I pulled back to look at him, his eyes flashed toward the house and I knew he was listening to something inside so I took his hand and pulled him toward the forest. We found a small clearing with wildflowers and I pulled him onto the ground with me. I tried to attach my mouth to his but he turned his head.

"Wait," he said, causing me to growl at him. "I want to ask you something first."

"What?" I said with a disappointed sigh.

He smiled and looked at me for a moment before saying, "I want to ask one more time, will you marry me Bella?"

I was trying to think of a reason to refuse him, but nothing came to mind. He mistook my hesitation for a no answer and tried to roll off of me. I tightened my hold and opened my mouth just as an overwhelming stench filled my nose. We had been so focused on each other we didn't realize someone had entered the meadow.

"So you turned out to be the whore I always thought you were," Jake said through clenched teeth.

Edward jumped up and I followed right along with him. We faced Jake and I said pleadingly. "Jake, please leave. We have a negative effect on you."

"You said we would be together," he yelled at me with clinched fists.

"You tried to kill me," I screamed back, trying to make him focus on something besides Edward.

Edward pulled me behind him and said softly, "His mind is jumbled; he can't keep a straight thought."

Jake suddenly screamed in pain and fell to the ground. His body jerked and convulsed until it slowly began to transform.

"What's happening to him?" I cried out.

"I have no idea," Edward said and pushed me back so we stood further from the creature in front of us. Jake stood slowly on all fours. His body was covered in thick black fur and his mouth protruded like an animal with sharp fangs. I thought I heard Edward whisper, "Werewolf."

I was feeling the need to run away, but I also felt Jake would chase us if we did. I knew Edward and I could easily take him down together, but if we did this to him it wasn't fair to punish him for it.

"I don't want to hurt you," Edward said in a calm voice. Jake looked at Edward as drool feel from his teeth onto the ground. Edward leaned forward and said, "It isn't permanent. You'll change back.

"How do you know?" I asked him.

"I can read his mind, ancient thoughts are coming forth. He transforms to protect the tribe; it is part of his culture."

"Protect them from what?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Jake," Edward said calmly, "We don't hunt humans. We'll leave here and never return, I promise."

Jake walked back and forth for a moment, showing huge muscles in his body. Edward seemed to relax a bit and whispered, "He's calming down and thinking things through. He knows it was my presence that made him hurt you."

"Jake, I don't blame you anymore," I said to him. He stopped pacing and looked directly at me.

"We didn't know," Edward admitted, "Bella figured it out first."

Edward suddenly tensed again and moved in front of me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"He wants to approach you, it's too dangerous," Edward replied.

I stepped away from Edward and held out my hand for Jake. He approached slowly, both of us having to deal with the stench. When he reached my hand I turned it over and rubbed his head. He came closer and nuzzled against my leg before licking my hand.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I said to him.

"He said for you not to apologize, it is his to make," Edward translated.

"You can be happy now," I said with a smile. "You'll never have to know what causes the anger again."

"He wants to know if you're happy," Edward said.

I smiled and nodded my head. "I didn't choose this life, but for the first time I'm happy. I think this was meant for me from the beginning."

Jake's wet tongue reached out and licked my cheek, then we both cringed and I wiped my hand across the wet flesh. Jake turned and walked toward the trees before looking back at Edward. "My word," Edward responded and Jake fled into the forest.

He turned to look at me and said, "We have twenty four hours to get out of Forks." He took my hand and we walked back to the Cullen home.

As soon as we entered the entire family stopped breathing. I ran upstairs and washed my face and hands before returning to hear Edward telling them what happened. Alice was upset she couldn't see the wolves and Emmett just wanted a chance to fight one.

We settled on a plan to separate for a while. Edward and I would go back to Chicago while the others spent some time alone. The house would be sold and we would never return to Forks again. Everyone kept watching my reaction, as if I would suddenly explode and refuse to leave. I stood and looked at their anxious faces.

"There is only one thing I want to know, who changed me?"

They all looked at each other accusingly and I wasn't about to let them get away with pretending they didn't know. I looked at Emmett and said, "You have the strength to control a newborn." Then I turned to Jasper and said, "And you can control emotions." My gaze moved to Alice and I said, "You were there when I woke up and Rose was here at the house, too."

I also remembered something else and looked at Carlisle, "You were in Forks when I was changed, and you would know if my injuries were too severe to survive."

"You forgot someone," Edward said sheepishly.

I spun around and glared at him. I wasn't stupid and I knew he was searching for a nomad when I was changed. I wasn't going to allow him to take the blame for someone else. "Don't you dare admit you did it," I said to him.

He took a deep unneeded breath and shook his head. "No it wasn't me," he said and his eyes moved to someone else.

I turned to see the family staring at me, each one looking fraught with shame. I looked at each face and finally stopped at the one I had forgotten, Esme. "You?" I gasped.

She nodded and I could see her entire body shaking. Carlisle put his arm around her. I wasn't sure if it was for support or to protect her from me. "I went looking for you. I wanted you to help Edward change his mind. He's like a son to me and I couldn't let him die."

"It's my…." Edward began but I shot up my hand to stop him from speaking and let Esme continue.

"I saw Jake and tried to get behind you on the cliff. I was going to catch you, but you jumped before I got there. You hit a rock, splitting your head open just as I got a hold of you."

"Was the blood too much for you?" Jasper asked, hoping someone besides himself would have an issue with it.

Esme shook her head slowly and looked at me with remorse. "I admit I selfishly thought of my son. I wanted you to love him and thought you would forget everything. I'm sorry."

I walked up to Esme and stood right before her. She had changed me out of love for her son, how could I blame her for her actions. I put my arms around her and laid my head on her shoulder. "I do love him, Esme. I love him very much."

She filled me with hope that someday Edward and I would have others to add to the family. People we could think of as our children and help them make it in the world. I couldn't imagine changing anyone myself, but time would move on and circumstances would change.

"Do you forgive me?" Esme asked.

"Of course," I said with a smile, causing Rosalie to huff angrily.

We all looked over at her and she said snidely, "She wouldn't have forgiven any of the rest of us."

She was most likely correct, but Esme's reasons were out of love so I did forgive her. It was at that moment I decided to answers Edward's question. I turned to look into his eyes and stated clearly, "Yes Edward, I will marry you." He looked stunned for a moment and then instantly came to pull me into his arms. The family cheered loudly as we kissed passionately.

I adjusted well to my life as a vampire as well as a wife to Edward. We lived in Chicago for five years and I taught at a local high school. I learned how to fill my time with worthy endeavors and how to increase my knowledge of the world. We finally took that trip to China. Edward was like a kid seeing everything for the first time, but I longed for the family I now had.

We were all going to meet at an island in Brazil and when we pulled up by boat Carlisle and Esme walked out of the house to greet us. I ran down the dock and into their arms, feeling like it was only yesterday we parted. Edward and Carlisle hugged for a long time, restoring the father son bond they shared. By evening another boat arrived, carrying Alice and Jasper.

We screamed and jumped up and down together before Alice said into my ear, "I've kept track of you and Edward, he's never been so happy."

I smiled over at my husband and admitted, "No, I'm the happy one, he's amazing."

Edward gave me a wink and I moved over into his arms. "Do you want to explore the island?" he asked.

"Does explore mean what I think it means?" I asked in return.

He gave me a low growl and we headed off together into the brush. After all these years, loving Edward was just as great as the first time we were together. He consumed me to a point I felt small in comparison to my feelings. I wasn't a strong vampire; I was just a woman being loved by her man. His touch was always a perfect combination between gentle and strong, taking me to new heights each time.

When the sound of another boat could be heard Edward jumped up and looked over a step ledge. "It's Emmett and Rose."

I quickly put my clothes back on and Edward held out his hand. "Let's jump," he suggested.

I looked down at the steep incline that led to the dark ocean below. I knew I couldn't be hurt, but I had never jumped from so high and it caused me to hesitate. Edward placed his palm on the side of my face and said, "Trust me, Bella."

It was at that moment I realized what was so different in my life. It wasn't the fact I lived off animal blood and pretended to eat food, or that I kept gloves on when I was teaching so the students wouldn't feel my ice cold touch. It wasn't even the fact I was a married woman living in Chicago. For the first time in my life I trusted a man.

I took hold of his hand and we turned and jumped together, landing in the warm ocean below.

THE END


End file.
